Blah la Blah Blog Log

20 and 21: 365

2012-01-22T08:12:00.000-08:00

Day 20:365
We took the kiddos to Der Dutchman, and brought along Cole's friend. She may as well be part of our family, she fits in so well. Love that girl.

They had a fun time making glasses out of the wax bendy stick thingys. And so, is our picture of the day.

Day 21 :365 I guess we like to go out to eat. This day we went out today with some friends. Grabbed a bite to eat and then went to see a movie.

This photo is of my friend standing under the Avengers poster. Since she played as an extra in the film, naturally we are anxiously awaiting the release!

18 and 19: 365

2012-01-19T16:57:00.000-08:00

Day 18: Gabe and Little Bro Jude-o posing. The flash didn't come on, so it isn't the best.

And then Jude being all studious and cute on his homework. :)

Day 18: Or first decent snow fall. Gabe took Buddy out for a little run and playing. Snow Buddies.

This week John has been in California. Makes for a long and stressful week this time of year, with my business and all.

Lastly, I posted this on Facebook, but it is so funny I need it here too.

Driving home from basketball. Jude informs me that he doesn't want to be: A doctor, because he doesn't want to accidentally kill someone. A carpenter, because he doesn't want to get a splinter. And he doesn't want to be a cook, because when you cut cheese with a chainsaw, you may cut off your finger. LOL. He does have some of my genes after all! Love that kid.

16 and 17: 365

2012-01-17T20:32:00.000-08:00

Finally, yesterday I was able to see Gabe practice basketball. All other times I was helping kids with homework or something was going on. And then the game on Saturday we were split up between two kids and two games.

I can't say how much I love the Upwards program. They learn about the sport and also have a biblical lesson taught...every week! AND, the best part of it is, the kids love it! How cool is that? And then, the games are great. They start them off with all kids having their names announced and running thru a tunnel with cool music playing and we all give them high fives. And from a fitness side of things, the games are fast paced. They are running the entire time. This has been an excellent experience, and we are just starting!

Cole and Jude were a little bored at practice. So they played a little ball with each other whenever they got the chance. But I made them clear out if anyone needed back on the court.

And a little sword fighting to round the day off nicely.

Not a lot going on today. Other than some insane January weather. Warmer temperatures brought in rain, we even had thunder! Down south they had a Tornado! Crazy! And then, comes the insane winds all day. Followed with hail, and plummeting temperatures. Weird.

So today's picture is of Cole and Jude as they were heading off to school. And of Buddy chillaxin' in his bed.

Why I hate Religion, but love Jesus

2012-01-17T19:08:00.000-08:00

A friend of mine had this posted on his Facebook. I usually don't click on anything on Facebook unless I am 100% sure it is safe. But, based on the comments under the link I thought it worth a try. And I am so glad I did. I am posting this here, as a reminder to me. For my life. To watch over, and over, and over again.

14 and 15:365

2012-01-15T17:30:00.000-08:00

It's January. I'm more than swamped with work. Finding time for anything outside of work is a challenge. But, I am happy to be able to have something I can do at home with my family. So, trying to keep things in perspective when I'm about to lose my mind from being over extended.

Yesterday the boys had their first basketball game. Sadly, they both had it at the same time at two different locations. So, we had to split up. John got Gabe, and I got Cole. So, day 14, the photo is of Cole who did a great job at staying fast on his feet and excellent at defense and blocking. Next week, I will get a shot of Gabe. Can't wait to see him play too. Both boys did well this week and really went for the shots. No goals were made, but effort was, and thats all you can ask for.

Day 15. I meant to get a photo of Mamaw and Papaw when they were here, but I forgot. Dang it! So, I decided to take a picture of John in his new glasses, looking all studious and whatnot. Looks like a yearbook shot. But still handsome.

I have this Devotions app on my phone I like to read every morning. I found yesterdays Devotion to be a good one. I think I will post it here.

The Supreme Judge
You have seen the wrong they have done to me, Lord. Be my judge, and prove me right.
Lamentations 3:59 NLT
When someone treats us badly or takes what is rightfully ours, we want revenge. Often times we secretly hope bad things come their way. But is that really how we should react? Don' tthey still deserve our love? When we take charge and take revenge it's because we believe we can do a better job than God. Take heart in knowing God, the supreme judge, who reigns in Heaven also reigns on Earth.

And might I add on a personal note:
Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult, but with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing.
1 Peter 3:9

It's been a crazy week. Somethings went down that I felt were handled poorly, and because of that I wasn't willing to engage in it. Another, I don't think was handled poorly, but the outcome was disappointing and on the insulting side. I clearly know the lack of value I had with some now. But I also know more than ever, the value I DO have with others. Moving on....

Move

2012-01-13T18:13:00.000-08:00

I'm pretty picky with the Christian music I like. So this one kind of surprised me. I heard it a few months ago. But, I really like the message in this song. I hope you all like it too. It's always good to remind myself to try and focus on the bigger picture. I know I allow myself to worry about so many little things, that in the end really don't matter, or no good can come from it. I can say this about all the little stupid things I fret over.

If I was on my death bed, would I care about all the little things? No.

Now, that doesn't mean I am okay with turning a cold shoulder on life or people, I believe things deserve their just attention. But one thing I really need to learn is that it is okay and healthy to know when to walk away and focus on the bigger picture. No matter what someone else thinks.

"No matter what may come
Gotta move to a different drum
No matter what life brings
Gotta move gotta move to a different beat"

Sometimes it is the better choice to walk away from a situation. No matter how hard it is to do so. No matter how hard it is to remain quiet. But if no good can come from the situation, walking away may be the best choice. You may walk away judged, but I guess this is where you chose to move to a different drum. Gotta always refocus on eternity. Don't allow the negatives to distract. Even if you are hated in the process.

12, 12 and 13: 365

2012-01-13T12:45:00.000-08:00

12:365
Started the day seeing two of my boys being sweet to each other. Of course, they were asleep. Had to catch that moment.

Bonus picture for Day 12 is of Buddy. He makes me laugh. Gave him a bone to chew on while I was on the bike, and he couldn't enjoy it because he was stressing too much about hiding it. Of course no place was good enough. So he would just sit it down all day long, and sit about 3 feet away, looking at it, stressing and whimpering.

12: 365

Jude finally got his tooth out. Well, actually, Gabe got it out for him. But Jude didn't care, he just wanted the money!

13:365

Today, we woke up to a sick kiddo. Stomach bug issues. But he is looking much better now. Hoping it stops there.

9, 10 and 11 :365

2012-01-11T13:57:00.000-08:00

I figured it may be better sometimes, to do this several days in one post. On the less eventful days. I am sure there will be plenty to come, that one a day will do just fine. But, until then, a brief recap of each photo.

Day 9
Just a simple shot of my oldest son with our dog. He thought it was funny that Buddy allowed him to cover him up with a blanket and stayed under it.

Day 10 I had two shots. First is of me on my stupid Airdyne. I am thankful for my Airdyne. To have a non-impact option for when I can't run. I am having ankle pain, I don't know what it is but I do know I should not run on it. So, I'm giving it time. I'm not happy about fighting a possible injury when I am 15 weeks out from Boston. Not thrilled about that at all. But what can you do?

My second shot for day 10 was of the 104.9 The River car outside of my kids school. They were having a Bone Marrow drive for one of the teachers father. His grandson organized the event and my son was in the choir that was performing there. I thought it was refreshing and really cool to see something Christian based parked in front of the school. Playing music and everything!

And lastly, day 11. My kids have been sitting on 3 flattened bean bag chairs in the room where they play video games and they love to sleep in that room on the weekends. So, we decided to get a sleeper sofa to make it a little more comfortable for them. Today, the sofa was delivered and required us to remove a book case from the room. Now, if anyone has kids (or boys in particular), you know kids throw things where ever they please. And when you look in dark corners or cracks, you find peculiar items. When we removed the book case, stuck to the wall, was this ball. Just stuck to the wall. I thought that was funny. And so, I shall title this photo "Balls to the Wall". :)

Do not repay evil with evil.

2012-01-11T13:27:00.000-08:00

Always a good reminder. Sometimes it's difficult, but always good to aim for. Here is a great article on how to deal with unpleasant people. I will post a few of my favorite parts below the link.

http://thechart.blogs.cnn.com/2012/01/11/how-to-deal-with-mean-people/?hpt=hp_bn8

“Civility is about how we treat one another in everyday life and is closely related to ethics. The principle of respect for the person holds that we ought to treat others as an end in themselves, rather than as a means for the satisfaction of our own immediate needs and desires.”

“You have to overwhelm the negative with so much positive, it’s ridiculous!”

"Afterwards I was complaining to my wife and she turned to me and said: ‘I don’t want to hear it. I don’t want the 1% that was bad to ruin the 99% that was good.’ And then she left the room. It was surprisingly effective.”

Stay positive! And don't let the meaners get you down!

8:365

2012-01-08T17:06:00.000-08:00

I like to take pictures, so sometimes it is hard to narrow it down to just one.

Today was pretty low key. Nice weather, 10 mile run to start the day, followed up with a great church service. I think a sunny day really helps a lot. Not much to say, so I will just post the pictures.

Wiggle, Wiggle, Wiggle, Wiggle, Yeah!

Flat on his face, out cold. Sleeping. Still so sweet.

7:365

2012-01-07T16:35:00.000-08:00

Today we all just wanted out of the house. Plenty to do around the place, but we just wanted out.

So, we went to Texas Roadhouse to grab a bite to eat. I think I was a little tired and slap happy. We had a waiter that sounded identical to Seth Rogan . And to be honest, he didn't really look all that different than him either. But...it wasn't him. So, I say..."You sound just like...." and before I can even get the statement out of my mouth, he finishes it with Seth Rogan. So, this isn't the first time he has heard this. The problem for me was, from that point further, every time he spoke I started laughing. He would come up all enthusiastic and nice and sounded as if Seth Rogan was right there! I tried to focus on other things, even not make eye contact. But when he left I literally had tears streaming down my face. I felt kind of bad, I hope I didn't offend him. It was just dead on, seriously. If some TV prank camera crew hopped out, I don't think I would have been too surprised.

So, from there we headed over to DSW and that was boring. Look over and my kids are planking, totally unprompted. LOL...I had to take pics. So, that was today.

6:365

2012-01-06T14:39:00.000-08:00

Does it get any better than 50+ degrees and sunny on January 6 in Central Ohio? It's like spending the winter in Tennessee. I always said I loved Tennessee. I guess since I can't go there it came to me??? Probably not, but I can try to convince myself of that, whatever gets me thru the cold months.

Anyway, you have to take advantage of weather like this. So, though my ankle has been hurting, I went out for a run. It's time to buckle down on this marathon training stuff.

So, today's picture is of how beautiful it was out on my run.

Winter Running Gear

2012-01-05T17:45:00.000-08:00

It's no secret to anyone who knows me...even just a little, I loathe being cold. I can enjoy a pretty snow, and sledding. But, I don't want to feel cold on my skin, on my bones. I don't like it. I get cold easy. I can tolerate heat far better than the cold.

When I run with others, I have on 1-2 more layers than my running buddies, and I'm still freezing. Their bodies warm up, I get stiff.

Last year was my first year running in the cold. And boy was it COLD. I layered, and layered. I bought the best of the best cold gear. I researched, I asked advice, and still found myself miserable.

Now, so far this year it hasn't been as cold. So I may be jumping the gun here. But it seems that I have found a great combo for me. So, since I know there are other little cold people out there, here is what is working so far for me.

1. Base layer - Steel Stretch
Shirt - http://www.mikeadamsfitness.com/catalog.htm?&Vl=26&Tp=2
Pants - http://www.mikeadamsfitness.com/catalog.htm?&Vl=28&Tp=2
Keep in mind, these STRETCH! They are as small as panty hose (or close) but do stretch.

2. Cold Gear Pants and Cold Gear Compression Shirt - Nike or Under Armour

3. Under Armour Charged Cotten Storm Sherpa Full Zip Hoody
http://www.underarmour.com/shop/us/en/pcid1222623-319

4. Head band ear cover and Thermal hat

5. Bondi Band Neck Gator
http://theresabondibandforthat.bigcartel.com/
Enter 'Melodie' in the discount box

6. Wool Mittens

5:365

2012-01-05T17:31:00.000-08:00

The kiddos are signed up for their first year in basketball. A good way to keep them moving over the winter months and then right into baseball.

This is my little 'Cold Oatmeal' practicing tonight. Catching a non-blurry action shot on your phone isn't so easy.

Other than that, not too much to say. Love my boys, it was hard to send them back to school this week.

4:365

2012-01-04T13:25:00.000-08:00

Our dog, Buddy, has been with us about 1 1/2 years now. The entire time he has lived with us, his cage has been on one side of our couch. After Christmas, we were putting our house back to normal, and decided to move the cage to the other side of the couch. To help hide it a little more and make the living room look a little nicer. Ever since then, Buddy won't go 'chill' in his cage. He used to go in there just to hang out or relax, but now we find him curled up on the floor where his cage used to be. I feel a little bad. So, today, I moved his blankets, so he would at least have those.

Below, today's picture is of a very pathetic little Buddy.

2:365

2012-01-02T08:38:00.000-08:00

Woke up this morning to the first light snow, 'dusting' of the year. I have to admit snow is very pretty. With or without the sun. So today, here is the pic of the day...

And, just for a bonus, I let Buddy out and the wind was blowing his pretty hair, I had to take a picture of him. The lighting on this photo is all natural, no editing done to achieve that. Just dumb luck.

1:365

2012-01-01T17:31:00.000-08:00

Okay, for a few years now I have known many people who do the 365 project. The idea is to take one photo a day, every day of the year. I figured since I have been such a bad blogger lately this would be a great project. Except I will restrict myself to all photos being taken via my iPhone. And, at the end of the year, I can print a book of the entire year. Should be a fun way to make a good memory book, and be a better blogger.

So, since I'm new at this, I kind of forgot today. Luckily, I did get a picture taken, so by default I will use this.

Today, I met with my friends Beth and Peter to run 6 miles on a country road that is kind of hilly. It was to be a slow run for the most part. The temperature was 43, which is unheard of in this neck of the woods... this time of year. However, there was a wind advisory (always a catch!). 25-50 mph winds. When we set out, the wind was probably more toward the 25 mph mark and with the temperature being so warm, it was really quit nice. Then, about 2 miles into the run, the wind picked up and icy rain poured and pelted us for about 5-10 minute. When the rain cleared we turned back at the 3 mile mark and the wind was INSANE all the way back. Had to be at least 50 mph, it would literally blow you off your stride. It was so bad, it was hard to take the run serious. You could be sprinting and standing still all at the same time. LOL. It's funny how you can have fun in these conditions. I consider it all good as long as I am warm!

Year End

2011-12-30T18:10:00.000-08:00

Oh how time flies! Where did it all go?

2011 was an eventful year for me personally. Just to touch on a few highlights:

Marathon trained in the winter (I loathe the cold!)
Coordinated and held my first 5k raising money to build a house in Homes for Haiti 5k.
Ran the Boston Marathon
Ran the Cleveland Marathon
overall female winner in one 5k and one 4 miler
PR'ed in my Half Marathon
Organized a 5k (along with a couple friends) and raised money for a dear friends wife who battled her second round of breast cancer. The Deb Arbogast Outrun Breast Cancer 5k
Finally finished and passed the course to be a Certified Fitness Trainer and CPR certified.

My kiddos are growing so big, so fast. It breaks my heart to see these years fly by. I would trade it all and go back and do it all over again. Even the hard parts. Gabe is officially (unofficially) in middle school, big 6th grader! Only unofficial because it is intermediate school here. He will move to the middle school building next year. Cole is in 4th, his last year in elementary. And little Jude, my big 1st grader! He had some trouble at the start of the year, but with a little additional help he is up to speed. I couldn't be more proud of my little men.

John's moving right along. Work seems to be going good. We feel our lives are very blessed.

I feel like I've forgotten and re-learned a few things about myself this year. There have been times I have felt a fish out of water, or misread, tossed aside, misunderstood. But, I guess who doesn't at times. I don't dwell on it much. But, I do know that I often times give compliments, attempt to help people out whenever I can and tell people they are appreciated.

Now to me, this is a good thing. But, to others, they don't know what to think of it. I thought about this often, and wondered if I could change myself. I literally tried. But, I couldn't change. I still always did these things. And then, I went home to visit family for Christmas and sitting with them, listening to them tell me stories of their daily lives, hearing us all talk back and forth....I realized, I'm not odd. There is nothing wrong with who I am, or the fact that I wear my heart on my sleeve. That at home, I'm not different, this was who we all were. No one thinks twice about it. In fact, they would find you odd if you didn't do these things.

I am a Kentucky made girl, displaced. And you know, I knew this 2 different times in the past. The two times I moved to Ohio. Don't get me wrong, people here are nice too. They are just different, and I love them just as they are. But I know I may puzzle some, I may make them wonder , "what's up with that chick?" "Is she for real? A suck up? Or she must love me because she is nice to me". But you know what...I am what I am. A leopard can't change it's spots, and I don't intend to change. People just need to take the time to get to understand me. So THERE! :)

Now, as for next year. I have my goals. For running they are pretty non-specific. I plan to run Boston again. I really want 3:35, but I hate winter and this training is getting the best of me already. So, if I am under 4 hours, I will be happy. I need to just run and enjoy my time there. Easier said then done. After that, I would like to pace a friend in on her first full marathon. And focus on running fast short races, and maybe some slow Ultra's. I'm digging the distance, but not speed on distance. I just want to get lost in the run and not have so much pressure in the process of building endurance.

This is just my personal stuff. Not really focused on the family. I try not to harp on that stuff too much on the internet. So, sorry all.

I hope you all have had a wonderful 2011, and have a blessed and happy 2012. Love you all!

Columbus Half Marathon

2011-12-30T17:43:00.000-08:00

How on earth did I miss posting about this race??? Where has my ever blogging mind been? A bit scattered it seems.

This year I signed up for the 1/2 marathon, as opposed to the full. I had recently backed out of the Dayton Air Force Full Marathon which was just 1 month before this race. I just needed to step back and enjoy running for a while and let my mind and body mend.

I did try and allow that, but at the same time, if I'm running a race it is hard for me to not set out and try to give it my best effort. Which is exactly what I did on this race. I wanted to beat my last half, which I knew was unofficially just under 8 minute miles, and officially just over 8 minutes. So, I wanted in the 7:45 pace range. But also knew that would be tough for me to hold for 13.1 miles.

My friend Jenny J, was in from out of town. She was running bandit on this course. My husband was also running this, his second half marathon ever, and a goal to beat his last. There were many, many, many other people in this race that were part of our running group, which made it all the more fun beyond a personal goal level. I just LOVE races like that. My good friend Peter was going to break his 3 hour marathon streak, he wanted in under it.

We piled in the car and headed in to town. Two emergency pit stops, and insane traffic jam later, we literally RAN to the start line just in time for the National Anthem and the sound of the gun.

Jenny's plan was to jump in the race at 7 miles and pace me thru the finish. I was right on target pace, and I even was able to get a Power Gel down me! (Woo Hoo, I can't usually do this). Which really kicked in right after Jenny found me. I was beginning to lose energy, and between running with her and having the gel, it was just what I needed. Jenny was fantastic! She kept me on pace, talked me up hills, and around turns and then pushed me off to a strong finish.

My Garmin time was more what I was shooting for, but that is unofficial. So, here is the official numbers.

Location	Race Time	Time of Day	Pace Between	Overall Place	Division Place	Sex Place
Time	1:42:37	9:13:58	7:52	783/9932	26/909	181/6189
10K	48:27	8:19:48	7:48	829/9879	28/901	197/6160
ChipStart	0:51	7:31:21		726/9932	30/909	216/6189
GunStart	00:00	7:30:31

I will post some pictures soon. I can't right now because I'm on a different computer. But, I will post them right on this post later.

John beat his last half marathon, which is huge as he is not a disciplined runner. So, yay him! My dear friend Peter did not meet his goal of 2:58 or something like that. But he only missed it by a couple of minutes. I know with his training he will get that goal soon. So proud of his insane ability and his will to always do his best.

After we all finished our half, and Pete's super fast full, we went back and hunted down our friends who were running their first full marathons. This was an incredible way to finish off a race. Nothing cooler than being there for someone during the most painful part of a marathon. I really don't know who benefited greater, the runner...or the pacer. This is certainly a race to remember.

So, I have new goals for the year....more to come!

Some Race Updates

2011-12-06T12:20:00.000-08:00

I have fallen off the face of the blogging world lately. Not because I don't have things to say. I do have things to say. I just limit how much I am willing to openly put out there. Believe it or not. But if you saw me in person, I'm such an open book, it's very sad. :) I have a real blog post I am going to post next. And I have plans for 2012! Can you believe how close we are?

Anyway, for my own sake, I have run two smaller races I haven't posted results on. I like having it on here so I can go back and see it later. For comparison reasons and what not.

Buckeye Classic 10k
This was one tough trail race. Click on this link to view the map, and don't forget to scroll down to see the elevation.
I decided the night before the race to run it. I honestly was scared because my friends were calling it scary names. LOL Cliffs of Insanity and what not. And I knew it was super hilly. I had not run hills in months. Not to mention, I rarely do true trail running, and I had never done a 10k. But, a ton of friends were running it, and my heart wanted to be with them. So...I signed up.
Didn't do too shabby either!

Finish	Bib Number	Runner Name	Total Time	Pace	Age	Division	Gender

494

Pullen, Melodie

48:22

7:49

F3039

453 runners total
54th overall
4th woman to finish
2nd woman in age group

I was so nervous to do this run that my family didn't even know it was going on until 7 pm the night before. We were at BW3, and it started working it's way into my brain. So, I mentioned it to my family. You should have seen the immediate attention and encouragement I received. Loving family?? Yes. But the ulterior motive was to get out of church the next day. So sad, really. But, their sleep came at a cost. And I had a great time.

Next race up:
Uptown Pumpkin Dash 5k
16th overall
Age Group 30-39
Time: 21:05
Avg Pace: 6:48
2nd Female in age group
3rd Female overall
374 runners

This was a fun little hometown race. Once again, mode of operation, registered night before. I'm such a chicken. Love running races when you know tons of people. It is so cool watching everyone go across the finish line.

To run, or not to run? That is the question.

2011-08-23T14:37:00.000-07:00

I used to donate blood on a pretty regular basis. I am pretty certain I started donating when I was a senior in high school. The incentive was if you donate you get something like a half day off school, which was plenty incentive for me. That got me thinking, and the ball rolling, to continue donating for years to come. I suppose the half day off school paid off and served the correct purpose.

Like many, the extra fat needle they use began to make me nervous. I would get super chatty before they actually stuck me, but once the needle was in and the blood flowing, I would calm down, grow quiet and was fine. With time, I got to the point that I would be more nervous about the needle that I eventually stopped donating. I am pretty certain it also fell in line about the same time I started to try to get pregnant for the first time. So, it wasn't out of total fear that I stopped, I just never picked it back up again. Though I do intend to. Now that I am older I know that the amount of pain I feel for that one second doesn't compare to the amount of pain the person receiving the blood is having.

Much like donating blood, I tend to enter into 'scary' situations much the same as I did donating. For example, the birth of my first son. I relied on the stories and experiences of those around me, the knowledge of the doctors, and history. I assumed things would more than likely be fine, though I knew I would experience pain, the ultimate prize (baby) would come. You enter it all blindly, using crutches along the way until the day you have been waiting for comes.

I have finished having kids. But after having them I did have weight to lose, muscles to tone, and sanity to keep. Running became a good source for these things, though not the only source.

Through the years of running, I finally decided to 'race'. I'm not exactly a competitive person, not to the point of not wishing well for my friends or fellow runners. I truly enjoy watching them succeed. However, I can be competitive with myself. If I am running a race, I want to go out and give it my best. Whatever that may be. It may not be your best, or elite best, but it is my best. And that is all I am looking for.

Last June/July I began training for my very first marathon. Something I NEVER had the desire to do. But, after finishing 2 half marathons, a seed was planted, cultivated and watered by runner friends.   So, I undertook this challenge. Leaning on their knowledge of the sport, having faith in their experiences, their opinion of my training, and of course...the numbers. The numbers from previous smaller races that helped predict my marathon time and ability.

And similar to child birth, you go into it all blindly. You spend months preparing for it. You lose sleep over it. And on the actual day, you know it will hurt, but will be rewarding in the end. You just don't know what will happen along the course, how you will preform, respond, and you have no idea just how it will all feel.

The Columbus Marathon, October 2010...my very first marathon. I qualified for the Boston Marathon with a finishing time of 3:41.   No sooner did I finish the Columbus race, I had to start training for Boston. It was miserable. It was bitter cold out and my body hated it as much or more than I did. But, I pushed on through the pain, the doubt and fears. I finished Boston in 3:54. One month later I decided to run the Cleveland Marathon. The thought was the training was already in, it was a flat course, should be easy. Maybe I could improve my time, back down 3:41. However, that didn't happen.

With every marathon after Columbus, I feared 'the needle' just a little more each time. In Cleveland, my heart and head wasn't there from the moment I signed on. But I wanted to believe in my ability. I am pretty certain I was dehydrated in that race, and I crumbled. It was a miserable race, I finished in 4:05. Progressively worse marathons.

With the tightening of qualifying times for Boston, I was hoping to improve my odds of going back with a time of 3:40 or better.  The upcoming Dayton Airforce Marathon was my only chance. And so, training once again resumed about 1 month after Cleveland.

Training was going fine. But then, my sleep started to become effected. If I planned a morning run with someone, I wouldn't be able to sleep. I became unreliable because of this. I knew if I didn't get at least 6 hours of sleep, to run distance... it wouldn't work. The running and training started getting into my head.

Here I am 3 weeks out from Marathon date, and I am still struggling with this. Now, not only do I have to watch my sleep, my speed is crashing. When I run my casual normal 6 mile route, on an easy run / recovery day I can hold 8 min - 8.30 min miles pretty effortlessly.   This same route, I struggled just to keep 9:16 today. My easy runs are becoming labored and difficult, no matter what I do. My lower abs are beginning to hurt pretty bad when I run.

Over training / burnout is coming into consideration. So...here is what is going thru my mind for Dayton. I haven't decided what option I will be choosing...

Take a few days off from running and rest. Continue training but add more rest days.
Race it, but have my pacer / friend NOT run with me. :( I am starting to worry if he is with me I will put so much pressure on myself to stay with him that I will burnout totally.
Drop out completely. Get my head out of it, and spend time enjoying running again. Focus on smaller races. Do a marathon when I can handle 18-20 a little better.
Do #1 but wait until 2 days before race day to analyze how the past few weeks went, then decide if I'm running it or not.

Either way it goes, some time off from Marathons is overdue. I'm not out of them for good, I just never gave myself time off over the past year. I don't want to be so consumed with it that I lose the benefits of running. The mind saving, stress relieving benefits.

Irish Festival 5k - 2011

2011-08-23T11:59:00.000-07:00

A little late to make this post. I ran this race last year, so I set back out this year to try again. This is a pretty tough 5k. As it is in the middle of summer and at 7 pm, so it is nice and toasty. The course is hilly and the competition is pretty good. Lots of speedy cross country kids and seasoned runners step off for this one. So, I have to say, I was pleased with my improvements from last year to this. I was bumped up to next age bracket, which are strong runners...so, I had to try my best. Didn't do to shabby. Walked away with a PR.

2010                                                   2011
overall : 127                                         overall: 58 (820 total)
Chip time: 22:50:07                              chip time: 19:53:70
Gun time: 22:54:09                               gun time: 19:56:70
Pace time: 7:23/M                                pace time: 6:38/M
                                                           women: 10th out of 410

I took 2nd place in my age group (76 in the 35-39) this year and last. But my overall placement and pace improved greatly.

Phitathalon 2011

2011-08-01T10:36:00.000-07:00

Not for the PHaint of heart....indeed!

This is my second time running this race, and is the second time this race has been held. A few things remained the same from last year to this, but overall, the course was much harder. You can see my experience last year by clicking here .

Here is the list of obstacles from this year. Not in the correct order because my memory has faded from the utter, sheer and total exhaustion of the race. I hope I didn't leave anything out.

creek run
5 foot tall wall jumps and picnic table climb (about 5 each)
another creek run
tire run
mud crawl under a tarp
up a very steep hill and down another, only way up is a running start
mud pit craw (loved the added fire hose spray off after this obstacle)
balance on drain pipes (this was slippery and you had to be careful not to fall or you had to start over)
hay bale jump and tunnel crawl (double the amount of hay bales this year, this is tough!)
forest run (path is not cleared, you have to make your way thru trees and stuff)
5 hill runs w/ slip n'slide down (super fast and fun)
run thru slippery muddy fairgrounds
then make your way thru a super thick, knee high, mud hole (many shoes were lost)

I have run 3 of these types of races now. One being the Phitathalon 2010, and Warrior Dash 2011, then this. This was the most challenging. The obstacles are great at spiking your heart rate, so for me, having stretches of running in between was good because I was able to get my heart rate back down and make up some ground.

There was a few minor kinks. I think starting the race in waves by how fast you run your miles, would be a good idea, or...if they don't want to do that, start everyone off running some distance to help break up the crowd. I was lucky and didn't really get stuck behind anyone, but those in the back did. But, in all fairness, a little bottlenecking did happen at Warrior Dash too, and they held their race hundreds of times. It may just be par for the course.

The only thing I ran into was at the end of the race coming off the slippery mud patch there was a lady directing people toward the mud hole. However, she said to go straight, so I went straight. This was wrong, she meant HER STRAIGHT, not mine. She should have said "Your left and thru the mud hole" and pointed in that direction. She should have just repeated that over and over. I do not feel this is to fault the race, it was poor wording on the volunteers part.

Because of this error, I got passed by a guy and girl in the end. Not a huge deal, except, I went from 3rd female finisher to 4th female. I'm not mad or anything, but a friend of mine was misdirected by the same woman and was passed by 7 people and lost minutes on his time. He was not happy. I understand this is supposed to be 'for fun' , but it is such a challenging course, you have to dig deep, that it does matter to some people.

Overall, I think the race was well coordinated. Well marked. The spectating worked out really well, having lots of hometown people cheering you on along the way was wonderful. I do think some people were unfairly hard and critical of the race. I truly believe the did a wonderful job and these things take time to work out kinks. This is a fun, challenging, and fantastic race. My personal favorite of the year.

Once again, one of the highlights was having so many people you know running the same race. Getting to see wonderful people who trained and had a goal, kick their own butts across the finish. It is great to meet your own goals, but is very fulfilling to watch your friends meet theirs. I love seeing their smiling faces come across the finish.
This race is a must do. Are you PHIT enough?

My Race Results:

236 runners
27th finisher
4th female
2nd in the 30-39 age group
43:08 finish time (better than last year!)

Photos and a video of the race is below!

Watch the race for yourself!

Strange Dreams - Stress Dreams

2011-07-24T14:28:00.000-07:00

Every now and then I have odd dreams. Some that settle on me in a strange way. Normally I can trace my dreams back to something going on in my life at the time. Sometimes, I can't. And sometimes, when I can't and it sticks with me or settles on me odd, the dreams have come true or warned me about something to come. I went through a dry spell on these dreams for a while, but this year has been a year for them. I actually like it when I have them because I feel like it is God speaking to me in some ways.

So, I took a nap today, and had the oddest dream. At least to me it was. However, in this dream, it isn't anything that is going to happen. Instead, it is all tied back to things that have been going on.

Recently I have had trouble sleeping. More than normal trouble sleeping, I've had nights with no sleep, or maybe 2 hours. Too many nights like that. Restless leg syndrome like crazy. I'm not exaggerating on how much it has happened, I had almost a month of it.

We just took a vacation, and it was one of the best vacations I can recall. I was so relaxed and it was so needed. But during that time, I think I realized I have been putting way too much stress on myself. I will touch on those stresses in another blog post. This one is about my dream.

In my dream, John was there, all three boys were there, and a dog (Buddy, I guess). I remember being in the kitchen, running on the treadmill in the basement. And then walking out into a big green field with John and hugging him tightly. Then, we walked back in the kitchen and I looked down the stairs into the basement that I just ran in and saw rats running around, and it smelled bad from rain. The odd thing in my dream was I was freaking out because I was JUST down there running and none of that was there.

So, I sat at the kitchen table and was going on and on about the rats and the smell and I was clearly upset. Meanwhile, John is just casually working around the kitchen tolerating my rant. Then, I begin to cry and I tell him that I am happy in that house but I really just want to go home. At this point he begins to break the news to me that this house was my house, and always was. But I was putting so much stress on myself that I didn't see it for what it was. I was unable to see our house as it was. And that is why he was pushing me to be put on Anxiety medication.

I didn't believe him at first . As I sat at the kitchen table I counted the chairs and where it was placed in the kitchen. And it all matched 'our real house', but the color was a natural wood, very plain, unlike our black kitchen table with groves in it. Then I looked to the basement, and it was in the same location and I began to remember how I ran in the basement and it was normal, but when I looked down there again it wasn't 'our basement' and had rats in it and a strong odor.

So, I grabbed my niece who was walking through, and I asked her what the color of a piece of furniture in another room was to see if it matched what I saw, or what I knew our home to be. She saw the real color, but not what I saw.

And then, it got weirder. I saw my sister sitting in a window. But she was only about 8 years old. She was so pretty and innocent. And I looked at her with deep love, I couldn't take my eyes off her. However, my sister was truly 37 years old and living in her own house in Louisville, and I knew it. But there she sat in my house, perfectly beautiful and young. Unscathed from life.

I wanted my sister to see herself, so I grabbed my cell phone and was fidgeting to take her photo. Meanwhile, John was patiently trying to discourage me from it. Not sure why, maybe she was never there and this was all part of my mental problems. But I insisted. As I found the camera on my phone and tried to click on it to engage it, the screen went dark...not normal and lit up. I took the photo, but at that moment I saw my sister was crying.

I went to her to ask what was wrong. She began to tell me all of these events that had happened to us growing up, which made her sad. And he began to tell me things that happened to her as an adult, and even more things that were to come, but in the afterlife. I had to try and comfort her and told her to not worry that some of these events were things that happened to her as an adult and that her adult version was already alive and has experienced these things. Not the young her that sat there.

And that was the end of the dream.

I think the majority of this dream is how I realized and need to learn how to relax. To not allow others to take hold of my emotions because they can manipulate them, or because I care, or because I just flat out worry too much. I need to not take on to many stresses in my daily life, I need to learn to say no and that it is okay to limit myself. I don't think any of these things are bad things, I think they are good when it is controled. I mainly need to learn how to shut my mind off when needed and simply relax.

As for the part about my sister, I spoke with her last night (for real) and she shared some things with me that she is dealing with. I think I always worry about her. I want good things for her, but so much of it is out of my control. And this makes me sad. The after life stuff, I am pretty sure is from just reading a certain chapter in Heaven is for Real . I tied it in to the dream.

And I don't know if there is symbolism in how I couldn't see my house for what it was because I was blinding myself with stress. Only time will tell. But, I had to write this dream down.

Things on my mind...

2011-07-14T09:25:00.000-07:00

Seems I've had a lot on my mind lately. I have thought about making a post, but I can't seem to pull my thoughts together for anything really in depth or significant. But, my blog is MY blog. I originally started it to get my feelings out, or to post things about my family or life. Very random, no rhyme or reason. And it's okay, because it's mine. I hope people read it, but if not, then I'm sorry I am not more interesting. :)

It's obvious I'm a runner. I casually ran for about 8 years and then finally started testing the waters, just to see what I can do. Nothing wrong with some goals. I've had pretty good success with it. But, I do allow it to get in my head, I guess I put pressure on myself. It's a strange thing, running is what I do, and what I enjoy. So to get to a point where I allow it to get in my head to where I can't sleep...that stinks. So I have been fighting sleep problems lately. I'm working on that.

Also, I'm working with a close friend, on a 5k for another very close friend of mine's wife. Click here to view the site. I hope it is a big success. Not just for financial reasons for them, but for love. It's been on my heart that we have been called to love one another, and to show Christ's love through the things we do for each other. I know that opportunities don't always come up. Sometimes it may just be sending a 'How are you doing' text. Saying a simple 'Hi', or 'I'm thinking of you' , 'You are special'. So, that's something I am trying to be better focused on and try not to fail in.

Another thing. Remember in school when they would do that thing where everyone gets in a line, the person at one end whispers something in someones ear, and they turn and whisper it in the next persons ear, and so on to the end. Then the last person says what they heard, and it is always wrong. A great example how rumors spread and how they are almost always off from what was originally said. To those in my life who have done this to me, thank you for knowing me for years...knowing who I am as a person...and choosing to believe something contrary to that. Thru this I have learned who my real friends are. Those who took the time to get to know me for who I am, thank you dear friends... who love me for who I am. I don't want or need any of the other drama in my life, I consider myself blessed with those who are in my life. And for the record...I would never knowingly hurt someone and carry on with my life...knowingly. If you took the time to know me, you would know that.

The Cleveland Experience Marathon....crash and burn

2011-05-16T12:49:00.000-07:00

This is Garmin numbers. Let's start with the splits because you can see the total and complete destruction unfold....

8:38, 7:40, 7:44, 8:23, 8:00, 8:17, 8:02, 8:05, 8:19, 8:14, 8:31, 8:22, 8:14, 8:49, 8:21, 8:33, 8:54, 8:57, 8:30, ....and then the WALL 11:24, 9:48, 11:07, 14:33 (walked some), 14:30 (walked some), 11:40, 10:28, 8:04 (final push in)

I have SO many thoughts on this race, so sorry. Let's just say that I didn't feel good about Cleveland from the get go. Not your normal nerves, just didn't feel ready. And to be totally honest, attitude can go a long way, so maybe I was the maker of my on demise.

The decision to run Cleveland came just two days after running Boston. The thought was, Boston time was a little slower than I had hoped, but there were hills and I was coming out of winter training that was tough on me. And I was nervous. So, Cleveland carried the appeal of a possible better finish time and the training was already in, so why not go for it? Sounded good enough to me.

The week leading up to it the weather was showing 60% chance of thunderstorms which had me 50/50 on if I was even going to go at all, up until the morning before the race. I had to follow the advice of a friend, and run because I love to run, I needed to let go of any pressure from expectations I put on myself. So, I went.

I got to see some friends at the expo, got to hang with Peter (my partner in crime), and brought my friend Anna along with me. Who was easily swayed into running the 10k, her very first race EVER!!!
The weekend with good friends was great, no complaints on the company. That night, I actually slept and had dreams. Not the best night sleep, but better than the previous 2 marathons I have run. And when I slept, I dreamed that when the race began I didn't start it on time because I was not prepared. I didn't have my water, my garmin, gum, refueling, anything! By the time I started running Peter had already finished mile 13 of the race. I only made it to mile 6 before the race was done. Peter came in at 2:58 and accomplished his goals, but I was a DNF for not being prepared. This was my dream...my subconscious spilling over into my Neverland. I have one highly active brain when I sleep and apparently I worry too much.

We got into the corral about 5 minutes before the race actually began. I squeezed in the gate right at the 3:30 pacer but didn't inch back because there wasn't enough time. So, I figured I would fall back to 3:40 once we started running. But it was so crowded that the first mile was being ran too slow even for the 3:40 pace, miles 2 and 3 had to be run faster to make up time.

I was feeling pretty good, so I thought if I could average around 8:15 that was a doable pace. The thing with me is, I can't hold back in the beginning with hopes of speeding up in the end if I feel good, because I will never feel good in the end. So, I try to hold a good, but not crazy pace in the beginning for as long as possible. That way when I finally do grow tired, it will pull off my already decent average, but hopefully not crash and burn in the process.

So, I have tummy issues after marathons. I read that Kara Goucher drinks ROC 2 O and it cured her whoas, so I bought some and thought I'd give it a try. Took it with me, and maybe it helped, not sure, but I could only drink very small amounts of it, it is very potent in flavor, I prefer water. So if I use it again, it will be in a smaller bottle.

In place of GU, I took the Jelly Beans with me. The goal in mind was to take a pack every 5 miles. But by the time I got to 15 miles or so, my stomach was so heavy. You know how it feels when you eat a big hunk of meat and it just sits there? It was the first time ever I felt like if threw up, I'd be better off...but that didn't happen. But, my stomach felt so full I couldn't take anymore fuel pack thingys. So, I took beans at 5 and 10 and nothing else for the rest of the race. I did drink, but the ROC 2O only a small amount I could stand, so I grabbed water at the stations. By the time my stomach had the weight ran out of it, it was too late. By 16 miles I was pretty well done. By 19, I was over done. By 20, I was toast. My splits reflect this nicely.

I think I could have pulled off a decent time if I didn't walk. I know that if I walk, it's over. I have never walked at a marathon, but this time, I was just that done. I fought tears. I wanted out. The problem was, as I looked around, houses had boarded up windows...didn't look safe. And who was going to take me to the finish line? What am I going to do, go to a cop and say...I'm done now...take me back? Nope, I was stuck. I couldn't call Peter because I had no phone and didn't know his number. Plus, my friend Anna came on a whim with me and she ran her first 10K and first race ever while there. She was standing, freezing in the cold waiting for me to finish, was I gonna really do that to her and NOT finish??? I couldn't. And as I was walking and wanting to DNF, I couldn't help but think of Corey and how he toughed it out with leg cramps at his marathon. How do you walk off a course thinking of all these people?

I was alone, I felt alone, I was hurting, I wanted so badly for Peter to come back, to run me in and I could tell him I was done. But I am so glad he didn't come back, because I think I would have stopped running, since I would have known he wasn't waiting for me at the finish. I had to run to get to Peter and Anna at the finish. So, this race, Peter, Anna and Corey kept me going...and it was so painful, but that's what made the legs fall one foot in front of the other.

I didn't crumble because it was a hard course, but I crumbled for some reason I am not sure. Here are my suspicions:

1. not enough recovery after Boston?
2. not enough training after Boston? (not sure which is the problem) 3. super bad lack of fueling
4. let my mind win the physical battle before the race even began
(sure, it pushed me when I wanted nothing more but to sit, so I was VERY strong there, but I let my mind into my running, that wasn't good)
5. possibly started out too fast, though I believe I should be able to do a 8:15 pace
6. OR I am weaker than I thought and the 3:41 marathon I had was a total fluke

I'm not sure on what happened yesterday. But, I didn't have stomach problems after. I feel pretty good today. I had a fun weekend and am glad I did it. I thought I didn't want my medal when I was walking during the race contemplating DNF, but because I pushed through the pain, I'm glad I finished and got it. Though I was super pissed at myself for giving up mostly.

Peter beat his Goliath and I am so happy to have been there for that. Congrats Peter! I wish I had realized why you were so quiet, I never intended to take away from your awesome moment! And to be there as Anna ran her first race ever, that was super cool! Very proud of both of them and all my other buds who ran, the one's mentioned above and Karl (who I didn't get to see there).

So, here is my new plan....work on fueling. Spend the next month or more letting my body recover and have fun running. No stress, nothing looming. Work on some speed, and when marathon training begins in over a month, train harder than ever before. I want a 3:30 marathon. Maybe it won't EVER happen, but, I need to see if it won't ever happen or if I just need to fix some minor problems.

No matter what happens, it was a great weekend, I'd do it again all with the same out come. No complaints. Now, just keeping the doubt from getting a foot hold and trying to take residence in me. There is no room for that. Thank you. :)

Distance	MARATHON
Clock Time	04:07:17
Chip Time	04:06:15
Overall Place	1221 / 13309
Gender Place	311 / 7399
Division Place	61 / 1167
Pace	9:23.7
Split10K	0:50:51
Half	1:48:41
Split30K	2:37:10

Newton shoe review: Lady Isaacs vs. Gravity

2011-05-11T08:11:00.000-07:00

You can view this blog post on the DailyMile Blog as well.

Last June I started training for my first marathon. As I increased my training mileage, I developed a nasty case of plantar fasciitis that has plagued me ever since. I did everything I was ‘supposed’ to do to help remedy the problem: visited a podiatrist and a sports medicine doc, bought shoe inserts and custom orthotics, ART, cortisone shot, deep tissue massage, took time off, ultrasounds, and physical therapy. None of these relieved my symptoms.

During this time I was continually searching for a solution. In desperation, I would Google random key words to see if anything new popped up. I purchased various types of shoes, thinking that if I switched them maybe one day I would hit on THE lucky shoe! No luck. One day I randomly Googled "Are Newtons good for Plantar Fasciitis", which directed me to the Newton Running website, where I saw this written: "This shoe allows you to run naturally — faster with greater efficiency and fewer overuse injuries (like achilles tendonitis and plantar fasciitis)." Curiosity piqued, I emailed Newton about the pain I was having, and I immediately went out and bought a pair of Lady Isaacs.

Newton Running was, and has been, amazing from the start. Not only did they email me back with tips to help move into their shoes, they also me gave tips to hopefully help me fix my feet. After a little time in the Lady Isaacs, I knew I liked them and wanted to try another type of Newton shoe. I was lucky enough to get to test wear a pair of the Newton Gravity trainers (disclosure: these shoes were provided free of charge by the manufacturer).

Okay, a few thoughts on the shoes.

Newton Running Shoes vs. Standard Running Shoes
Coming fresh from wearing standard running shoes, I will say that the first thing you will notice is the forefoot is built up in Newtons. This is to help promote forefoot / mid foot striking – a more natural running form. The shoes accomplish the goal nicely, without feeling awkward. The Newtons are pretty easy to move into from a standard shoe with the only immediate noticeable difference being they have the added lugs in the forefoot. They don’t feel shockingly different, as it may feel going from a standard running shoe straight into a minimalist zero drop shoe. Don’t get me wrong, you need to follow their advice and gradually work your way into them. Your running form is changing and this requires an adjustment period to avoid injury.

Lady Isaacs VS. Gravity
I didn’t really feel a huge difference between the two. Both shoes are light and comfortable. Lady Isaacs are 8.7 oz, Gravity are 8.4 oz. Both have the Newton lugs under the forefoot, and both felt more or less the same to me. However, I will say the Gravity has a more round and roomy toe box.

Appearance
I really like the the look of the Gravity. I like the shape of the roomy, round toe box and the way the laces seem to go down a bit further on these shoes (more so than the Lady Isaacs). I love the bright Orange color, a trademark of most Newton shoes.

Feel
Even though the Gravity trainers are roomy, the insoles are form fitting, especially around the heel. You can feel it curve and embrace your heel, but in a way that feels good. As mentioned before, the toe box is roomy, which is nice because you don’t have to worry about any rubbing. I ran the 2011 Boston Marathon in these and walked away blister free.

And not to be forgotten, these shoes are light! You don’t sacrifice support to get the light shoe. Being made mostly of mesh, it lightens the load and gives plenty of stretch at the same time.

A note on sizing: I found that they do run small, and I needed a half size larger than my other running shoes.

Performance
The built up forefoot does make it easier to keep a more natural running stride, landing and lift, avoiding heel strike. The light weight of the shoe, along with the ease of better running form, does seem to shave some time off my running pace. I have gone back and forth between shoes to test this, and it has always held true for me. I run faster in my Newtons.

My Plantar Fasciitis
I feel like I need to address this, as it is what led me to Newton in the first place. As I have continued my training, I have gone back and forth between my Gravity trainers and standard running shoes. I wanted to see if there was a difference among shoes in how they aggravated my plantar fasciitis. Experimenting proved to me that I do run faster in my Gravity (sweet perk!), and though my PF is still there, it is not as severe when I wear my Gravity.

In my standard running shoes, the night of and next day after a run, my foot hurts. The pain in the heel can be sharp, and walking is typically stiffer and a little more difficult. But, in the Gravity, I don’t have the sharp pains, and I don’t hobble the next day. As mentioned, the pain is still there, but it seems that the shoes prevent the pain from flaring up after a run. This gives me hope that with time, it will go away. If nothing else, the Newton shoes have helped me keep my PF at bay, allowing me to continue to pursue my running goals. That is what’s most important if you ask me.

Lastly, I’d like to thank Newton for their incredible customer service – they have gone above and beyond what I would expect from a shoe company. I can’t say that enough.

For more information about Newton shoes, visit the Newton Running website.

From Haiti to Boston

2011-04-21T20:02:00.000-07:00

My Homes for Haiti 5K and 115th Boston Marathon experience, as best as I can retell it. I have to tell the two together because the stories are entwined. This will be long. Sorry, but this is about 6 months of my life...right here, summed up.

The whole thing is a total whirlwind! I always knew it would be, as there were contributing factors leading up to it.

Before I ran my very first marathon ever, just last October. I agreed to help a friend organize a 5k to raise money to build homes in Haiti. Here is the site Homes for Haiti 5k , with proceeds benefiting SAFE .

After looking at the 2010 race schedule I settled on April 16 for a seemingly good race day. Shortly after picking the date, I ran the Columbus Marathon and qualified for Boston. Which, I never even really thought I would, didn't even set out to run a marathon to get it. It became a fantasy type goal along the way. So, it was a pleasant surprise to say the least.

I spoke with the other people involved in the race, they were offering to move the date of the 5k to make things less stressful on me. But I decided to stick, partly because no other date looked as ideal when compared to other local races I didn't want to go up against. So, we stuck it out, we held with the plan.

I knew things would get tough starting January, and on until completion of both races. This would be the onset of some really cold temperatures, making training really rough. I don't like the cold is a total understatement. I normally run on the treadmill in the winter, but knew in order to train for Boston it was going to require long runs outside in temperatures I hate. It was one of the hardest things I have done so far. You can tell from other posts, my body didn't respond well at all to training in the cold. Which left me even more nervous come race day.

My work always picks up in January, and stays that way thru May...typically. Lots of emails and phone calls keeping me busy 24/7...no joke. And from January on, we had to really hit the ground running on trying to get sponsors, donations, and getting the word out about the Haiti race.

Fortunately, I work from home. I raise 3 boys. I stay busy. Adding all of this to my schedule was a bit overwhelming at times. Trying to be a good mom, wife, house keeper (lacked a bit there at times, I won't deny), run a business, tend to my customers, plan a successful race, and pouring my heart, strength, effort, hope, determination into my training...uh, yeah...that's how it went.

The Haiti race pulled together very nicely. We had over 134 registrations, I believe. Race day came, it was an absolute storming mess outside. After months of planning, I woke up at 4 am to hear a complete down pour and winds howling, I knew if it didn't clear by 7 am the race was a total wash. So, I prayed. I felt that God laid this on the heart of my friend who contacted me. God used my running for something he had bigger plans for. This race pulled together, and we needed to pull this race off. I felt that God wanted this race to be used to bless many, but ultimately a family in Haiti. When I finally got up an hour later, the winds had calmed. By 6:30 am, the rain had stopped, and held off until 11:00 am. The race was able to go on!

Turn out was a little lighter than I had hoped. We did have some race day registrations, which was really nice. And in the end, we were able to cover our race expenses and have enough to build one house! That is a successful race if you ask me.

Not only was the race successful in the sense of raising enough money to meet all of the needs, it was successful in bringing lives together that needed to be, it was laid back yet organized, the kids were able to play and have fun.   There were so many runners there that we all knew, families participating together, a huge group from our church, Marysville Grace, and others. There is just something super special when groups come together to support a cause, or to support friends and family. You just can't put words to that.

My plan was to have our truck loaded up and ready for Boston, set to go as soon as Homes for Haiti was complete. The racing company we used was kind enough to go on Pandora and hunt down Dropkick Murphey's - Shipping off to Boston and play it over the speakers for me. That was pretty cool. :)

So, the race wrapped up, and John and I piled in the truck to head off. I had never left the kids more than a day before...not that I can remember. And if we had, it was only because they were spending the night with family, usually at least one kid would still be with us if another was gone more than one night. So, I had that tugging at me too. Though, I do think it was good for us all to experience this.

The plan was to arrive Sunday, by noon. I was supposed to meet some friends from DailyMile at McGreeveys. However, weather was not on our side. The storm that ripped through our area that night, we were following. You know...that little storm that produced something like 1000 tornado's. I may be exaggerating a little, but it was a lot!  About 6 hours into the drive, we couldn't do it anymore. We had driven through some really rough weather and it was getting dark. We were in PA, there were no street lights, you couldn't see the lines in the road. I know John would have kept going for me, but it wasn't worth the risk. I told him to go ahead and pull over for the night, we would just try to meet everyone later in our stay. McGreeveys was out.

Next afternoon we finally get to Boston. Some time around 3 pm, I think. We spent some time walking around the Expo. Which I was really looking forward to. I did get to meet one girl I knew from DailyMile, which was brief but nice, and saw my local running buddy, Peter, and his wife Deb. I am glad I saw him there because I never saw him again for the rest of the trip.

John and I walked around a bit that day, mainly near our hotel. We got to see the finish line, and some really cool old architecture. There is so much history in this city, it is incredible! We did wrap things up early (about 8 pm) that day, we didn't want to exhaust me the day before the race. The night wasn't much help, rest is little to none before a big race like this. But, I tried. It's a funny thing, how do your run 26.2 miles after all the activities leading up to this and go on no sleep??? I don't get it. Truly.

I dozed off and on, but no solid sleep. John was fighting a cold the entire weekend, which I know it made him tired the entire trip, but he pushed on for me. And...he snored all night. Not his fault, but it didn't aid in the sleep problem. I finally got up about 6 am. Got showered, and headed out for the race about 8 am. We couldn't have pushed it much closer than we did. I arrived at the drop off / pick up area at the park and was shuttled off to Athletes Village. I walked .75 miles down to the insanely crowded area, that resembled more of a Lollapalooza concert than a race. Trying to find anyone there in a short time wasn't going to happen. Mainly since as I made my way down to the Village, Wave 1 was already making their way up to the start line!!!! YIKES!!! I came that close! I was Wave 2, I would shortly make my way to the start myself.

Somehow, thru the thousands of racers, another fellow DailyMile friend spotted me and stopped for a quick hello. That was super cool, don't know how he spotted me or even knew who I was, to be honest. I was scanning the entire Wave 1 crowd as I slowly trudged thru, looking for any familiar face, I had no luck.

One thing that was quick to notice about The Boston Marathon was that there were thousands of volunteers, and even though they were among a sea of wandering athletes, they were always kind and helpful. The energy at the event and in the city, you just can't describe.

The start was quick, and subtle. Standing in the corral, it was brisk, we all stood tight and talked out our nerves. Took in some tips from the veterans. Before you knew it, 2 minutes left to start!

Off we went! I said good luck to my nerve calming buddies and set out on The Boston journey.

The first 5 miles of the run is a good downhill. I was told to hold back, to go slower than normal. Because a lot of runners go faster here to bank time, but burn their quads out by the time they get to the hills at mile 16, then they either can't finish, or really are in pain. So, I held back.   At mile 9, I decided to take a potty break, lost 5 minutes in the line and getting back in the race...gerr.

During my training, it didn't go well. I am fairly certain it was low iron and combo reaction with the cold and my muscles. I would hit the wall between 10-14 miles. I never had a confident, strong 20 miler. I never went above 20 either. I had no real marathon history to go off of. So, I was pretty pleased when I didn't crumble during this race. I looked at in 7 mile increments, for the most part.

AT&T offered a service to text racer times at various points during the run. I knew I needed to make it to 6.2 miles before the first text would be sent, then 13.1. So, my goal was to be a little over 7 miles in one hour. If I could do that and repeat it 3 times, the last 5 miles would need to be done in under 45 minutes. That was the goal.   So, I anticipated the first text, knowing my kids would be hearing it chime, as well as all my friends and family. And then the next text, and the next. It was motivating.

I knew at around 13 miles the Wellesley College girls would be coming up. And that they were supposed to be very loud. They did not disappoint. With many signs and screaming girls, they screamed for the men to stop for a kiss. It was totally awesome! Later in the run we passed the Boston College students who were equally as loud. The college students really helped push you along.

The spectators were kind to the runners. They stood all along the course offering sliced oranges, bananas, twizzlers (giggle, giggle, I love me some twizzlers!), napkins, Vaseline, drinks. Boston knows how to treat their runners. They do it right!

At mile 16 the hills start, and roll right on into Heartbreak Hill in the 20-21 mile mark, and then properly marked 'Heartbreak is Over' once complete. But, it seemed to me the hills kept on rolling thru the finish.

You all know I live in the midwest, OH to be exact. You have to hunt down hills in this area. I feared these hills. But, I held up. The pace dropped, as to be expected. But, not to a shameful pace, so I felt good. I didn't get to a point where I felt like I was going to die. This was great! Sure, I was ready to be done at a point, but it happened when it should in a race like this, not too early.

As I was running the hills, I knew a neighbor who was there spectating, would be somewhere along the course around Heartbreak Hill. But finding here I thought was like finding a needle in a haystack, yet...somehow...we saw each other. This was super cool being in a town with no one you know, talk about giving you a swift kick in the rear to keep moving!!! Thank you BETH!!! You are awesome!

At mile 23, I expected to see my friend Peter. Who started out in Wave 1 and should have wrapped up his race over an hour before me. He was planning on coming back to find me and run me in. Things didn't work out that way for him, he was dehydrated and had to get 2 liters of fluid after the race (YIKES! Glad he is okay! And he had a 3:18 time!).

After that, I knew John would be somewhere along the last mile, or after the finish line. Now, I really didn't know if I would be able to find him. As the crowd grows very thick toward the end. And as I came up the final hill to turn on to Commonwealth, there he was with a couple locals he knew. You can see the video below.

It's kind of funny, in this video, I look so slow! But felt so fast! Ha! I guess that's what 26.2 miles and Heartbreak do to you.

Before the race I asked a friend to pray that I would be strong, have endurance, it would be warm, no rain, and no head wind. I wasn't asking much, wink..wink. And low and behold, it was the first Boston in over 10 years they had a tail wind!!! Yay! And the temps were in the high 50's, I even got a sunburn!

All in all, I couldn't have asked for it to go smoother. Sure, I didn't get to meet some of the people I wanted to, the weather was crappy on the drive and the day after the race. And I did run the race at an overall pace slower than I had hoped. But, I didn't hit the wall hard and the experience was one of the best, a once in a lifetime thing. Problem is, now I want another chance to do it again...now that I know the course. :)

So, here's the thing...I have some wonderful friends and family. Those who tolerated LOTS of talk about running, I know it had to be terrible to hear, and to deal with my fears and tears. My mind was always thinking and worried given how the training had gone, and with planning the race. For the past 6 months, everything I did all came down to those 3 days, those 2 races!!! And even though everyone so sweetly tried to help me, I knew the pressure that was on me to pull together a good race to give a family a home, I knew if my training suffered, so would Boston. I had the worlds best running buddies who pushed and inspired be, but I knew this training lay square on my shoulders, alone, it came down to me.  In the end, it was one of the most nerve racking, emotional, yet amazing experiences ever...and I'd do it again in a heartbeat!

Uh oh! Here we go again! Wish me luck, as inexperienced runner, learning the ropes, learning her limits, and trying to push them!!! I need a BQ!

2011 Official Time: 3:54:48   Pace: 8:58

Garmin has the miles as 26:54, with pace at 8:50
Splits
1: 8:37
2: 8:21
3: 8:21
4: 8:20
5: 8:36
6: 8:28
7: 8:17
8: 8:35
9: 9:45 (bathroom break, had to make up time)
10: 8:18
11: 8:34
12: 8:31
13: 8:40
14: 8:32
15: 8:44
16: 8:40
17: 9:02
18: 9:05
19: 8:52
20: 9:11
21: 9:36
22: 9:02
23: 9:08
24: 9:28
25: 9:34
26: 9:34
27: 8:42

Pre-Race MEGA Jitters

2011-04-13T14:16:00.000-07:00

I've got a lot running through my mind. With my very first 5k race, I helped put together, taking place April 16. We pile in the car as soon as it is over and begin our drive to Boston. Where I will run th 115th Boston Marathon on April 18. Not much time between the two races, huh? Can you see part of why I am stressing?

First, let me say, our Homes for Haiti 5k, seems to be pulling together nicely. I am honored to be a part of this race. It is nice to know that someone who is living in a tent, will soon have a home. Sure, it may only be one home. But to one family, that will be nothing short of a miracle. Something I feel God ordained and brought to them. And in the whole big scheme of things, through every obstacle that came about, it was worth it to be part of something I feel God pulled together. He laid it on my friend, Rob, to do a 5k. Rob called me, because he knew I run. And from there, he brought the plan together. That is awesome. It is nice to use something I enjoy doing, to work toward something bigger, better, and less selfish than...me.

Okay, and on to Boston. Here's the deal....I have run one marathon. Sure, I may not fully understand how lucky I am to qualify for Boston on that one marathon. I've read and heard about people who have run 166 marathons and are just now making it to Boston. I've read and heard numerous stories of those of continually try. I was truly lucky to qualify the first time. Not to mention, I was signed up the year it filled up in 8 hours!!! Now, that really is lucky.

But, I HAVE only run ONE marathon. I don't have a past running log to refer to. I live in Ohio, flat land! I hunted down hills. And, I have mapped them out, saw the elevation, felt the pain as I struggled through every, single, long run. And failed by my standards. These elevations, the grades, they don't compare to Boston. I had a mental plan....and then, I read these two articles today.

A Racing Strategy - Marathon Nation

Boston Course Tips - Runner's World

I'm sure they are meant to help. To make the runners aware, better prepared. But, take an anxious person, such as myself...and it does the opposite. I over analyze. In my anxious mind, I read something along the lines of....people go out and try to gain time on the first 5 miles down hill and then they do not finish because they have exhausted themselves....many runners think because the first half of the race has gone well that they will have a great race and then they don't finish....I read 4.6% grade, 4.3% grade, 3.3% grade. Let the fear officially set in!

After all the terrible COLD, long runs I had, I already was worried about my strength, endurance and ability. Now...I'm even more afraid of not finishing, and how badly it will hurt!!! My prayer is for warmer weather, no wind, no rain, a calm stomach, a somewhat solid even pace, and strength beyond myself. Where most people need to get their head in the game, I need to get mine out! It only does damage. LOL

All joking aside, I know you all may think it's all talk. I am truly worried and scared. Please pray for me on one of the biggest days of my life. It is an honor to run this race, one I feel totally undeserved of but do not want to mess up.

6 years old

2011-04-04T18:12:00.001-07:00

Last week my youngest baby turned 6 years old. I was going through old photos to compile collages of him growing up. I have pasted them below. I love the memories, but it breaks my heart all at the same time. When you are neck deep in the chaos of raising small kids, you have no idea how much you enjoy it, and how much you will miss it. I found myself walking in stores this past week, watching moms with young kids who are in the middle of a tantrum...wishing I could have that all over again. Missing the days with the 3 small kiddos. Mine are still small, but not that small. Oh, I do miss that. Happy Birthday Jude. Judeo. Judeo Chop. Chopper. Chopper Lopper. Chizop for izzop. The Chop. 6 wonderful years, may God bless your steps, your thoughts, your ways and actions. I love you little dudeo. You totally melt my heart.

Stuff's and Whatnot

2011-03-16T11:02:00.000-07:00

I don't think there will be much flow to this. It's all random things on my mind.

I'd be lying if I said I didn't miss my old training routine, workout partners and what not. I think I've done well at harping on that for a year. It's strange to think that even to this date I haven't found something to replace it. It just was my 'Cheers'. Something I truly enjoyed and I guess will forever miss.

So, I go about, and in it's place, I do what I know to do. There have been classes come and go. Some, I really wish were still going on. I search for the best I can find within my radius, this proves hard. I have weight trained on my own, as best as I can, push myself as best as I can. But it's lacking and I know, without someone there to see what you need. VERY frustrating. I miss my routine and friends. I'm such a routine girl it's sad, really. So you fall back on what is natural. And running has always been there for me, my loyal friend.

Running is such a great stress reliever. A great place to sort through your worries, cares, troubles, to feel at peace with things. To pray, to sing, to let it all out.

Last summer, I ran. I focused on my first marathon, and those miles helped me in so many ways beyond physical. That marathon gave way to my next, the Boston Marathon.

Training has been brutal. I can't say I have enjoyed it as much. But I put this extreme pressure on myself. I need to feel or see something in myself to have that confidence going into the race. So far, that hasn't happened. Yes, I did great on that 4 miler last weekend. If only 4 miles compared to 26.2. I'm having a hard enough time allowing my body to carry me to 20, I can't even wrap my brain around 26.2. And here we are 5 weeks out. 3 weeks of training left, and I am totally insecure in my ability. I have no track record to fall back on. No past preformances to refer to.

I want the training to feel better... fast! I want the day to come, I want to enjoy it fully, but I am ready for it to be done. I am ready to have fun again.

So, things don't seem to change. And I feel left hang to dry. I suppose in a few areas of training.

I thank God for the blessings he has given me. Those races that I shouldn't have won, or done well in. Wonderful moments and memories in my mind. Little pieces of joy, and accomplishment given to me. Little nuggets of nourishment to keep me pushing. But, I am also very aware where I am lacking. So, I am hoping the spring and summer leads to more, better, improved things.

Let the racing season begin!

2011-03-12T20:28:00.000-08:00

I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE race season. Tonight, was my first race of the year. I'm floored by the race. Here is the race report post I made on DailyMile...

St Patricks Day 4 Miler 4 mi 00:27 06:49 pace
LONG day! Been up since 5 am doing things with the kids school and stuff.
Had this race today at 6 pm. My goal going in it was to get top 3 in my AG or close to that. I wanted under a 7 minute pace, but would be pleased with 7:12-ish given this is my first race of the season.

This was amazing. I mean seriously.
I felt unsure (typical I know). Given I am just getting over the stomach thing, and some other things. Lack of sleep last night. It is warm out, but was windy. I just didn't know.

I thought, well, if I can hold 6:45 for at least 2 of the miles, and then if I drop to around 7 I still average under 7. But, I just talked myself through 1 mile at a time and held in the 6's the entire time. Average pace 6:50!!!! But, that's not the only cool part.

I kept my eye on the people in front of me. I knew there wasn't many, and I was pretty sure they were all men. And I thought if I could keep my legs moving, then there was a small chance I could be the first woman across. That was a cool thought, but I really didn't think it was possible. I mean, you never know who has the target on your back when you are running, and how close are they???
So, I kept pushing. As I closed in on the last stretch people were yelling at me that I was the first woman! As I came up on the finish line, they are saying here comes the first lady to cross, if she comes in under (whatever they said), I was going to break the woman's course record. And then, when I crossed they said "Melodie Pullen sets a new womens course record!" WOW!!! I a mean, really?

1st out of 475 women
25th out of 796 racers

One very humbled girl. People were coming up to me that I didn't know and congratulating me. Wow.

Boston or Botox .com

2011-03-07T09:49:00.000-08:00

I met a lady who has a blog. She wrote a post about her decision to try to make it to the Boston Marathon which was posted in Runners World . You can read her blog here Boston or Botox , that particular post is written about me and my Boston story. I am going to post it below as well, as I would like to keep a copy for myself.
I am totally flattered that she would interview me. Please check out her story, as well as her other great posts!

The DailyMile.com is like Facebook tailored for runners.

You can log your mileage, comment on your friends' workouts, and send your virtual running partners motivation icons that say things like "Great performance," "Nice work," or "You're an inspiration!"

I discovered DM a few weeks ago and that's also how I digitally met Melodie Pullen.

Besides being a Boston qualifier, Pullen, who lives in Columbus, Ohio, is a DM dynamo and a motivational Energizer Bunny.

Melodie has hundreds of DM friends from around the country and she's a member of Team DailyMile (which apparently requires you to submit a video on yourself, is based on your online DM activity and stats, and requires a vote, too).

When we spoke by phone the other day, Melodie, originally from Louisville, Kentucky, was equally gracious as she is photogenic. (Yes, that's her pictured above.) After our interview she "introduced me" to her DM pals. Within a day I was flooded with friend requests (very cool).

What's also inspiring about this 35-year-old mother of three boys, ages 10, 9 and 5, is how she got started as a runner several years ago.

"(Running) was the only way I could lose all the baby weight from my pregnancies," she explained.

It's hard to believe Melodie was once overweight based on how svelte and fit she is now, but Melodie said that's what happened after her children.

"I gained 60 pounds while pregnant the first time, and then 60 pounds while pregnant the second time and then 40 with the last pregnancy," she said. "And I wasn't one of those people who had all the weight drop off right after I had my babies."

Melodie began to run. Little by little, the weight came off; she got in better shape then before she had children; and she fell in love with running.

By August 2009 she was hooked on running. That's when she did her first half marathon and she finished strong.

"I started looking at my times and the race-time predictors, and that's what got me thinking about doing a marathon and hoping to qualify for Boston," she said.

She ran the Columbus Marathon, her first marathon, in 2010 and finished in 3:41:28. It wasn't until after the race she realized she had qualified for Boston because she was bumping up into the next age-bracket for qualifying this year. She was thrilled.

"It was a gift from God," she said. "Really I look upon it and think it wasn't me. It was a gift given to me," she said of her Boston qualifying experience.

She will run Boston for the first time next month.

Melodie and her husband both work from home — she helps to manage rental properties and he works for Google. They both like to run, she said, although he's a more casual runner. Her husband is very supportive of her running and Boston training.

Melodie's workouts require dedication and juggling schedules. She often gets up early to run before her boys are up and before she has to work.

She's been plagued by a nasty case of plantar fascitis and she's had to see a podiatrist during her current marathon training. She's also had to adjust to long runs in the colder weather and storms, which has been challenging.

It's been tough, she said, but she's not letting it stop her. She is excited to see how Boston goes and hopes to run well.

The motivation from the large Boston crowds, Melodie said, will probably be like one of her favorite Scriptures (Isaiah, 40:31): "Those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint."

Through her participation in DM, Melodie, herself, helps and inspires others to "soar."

"To be part of Team Daily Mile and to keep encouraging others through it," she added, "It's very cool to be part of that."

Worrier by Nature...Tender by Heart

2011-02-10T06:44:00.000-08:00

I'm a worrier by nature.

I'm also a pretty sensitive person, emotionally, and empathetically. I would have to say, I'm pretty good at reading people's emotions, and also pretty terrible at the same time.

I think I do okay at reading a friend (I think I have to know them to read them better), if they are hurting, sad, or mad. I do very terrible at reading other things on people, I have a bad radar! Bad thing is (or good depends on how you look at it), I tend to try to see things through other peoples eyes A LOT. This results in me making excuses for people. I see that as a good thing. However, it tends to get me repeatedly hurt and disappointed in people I otherwise have fully trusted and befriended.

I think it is great that I can see anothers perspective in life. It is not so great that I take unnecessary burdens and worries upon myself, and end up allowing things to hurt me that most won't. Is it the adult child of alcoholics in me? The need to bring peace and try to keep everyone in harmony? Maybe. I can see this as a good quality and bad.

One thing I am slowly, and rather painfully learning is, that sometimes...no matter how hard I try, or will for things to be better...sometimes it doesn't matter how much I try, it won't be any better than what it is. I need to learn that it is okay. It is okay that I put my best foot forward, and sometimes, it doesn't matter how much I want or try, sometimes...it isn't my problem to fix. That is a bit hurtful to say, and I wish I could let go of the hurt and disappointment, just a little bit easier. Not allow it to penetrate so deeply and make me feel any less than who or what I am.

Now, I'm all about staying humble. I know I'm not anything anymore special than the next person. I don't ever want to think that I am, to be honest. And trying to stop my sensitive side, or peaceful side...when the time is appropriate, is necessary for who I am as a person, for protection. To not allow a person or situation to tear me down, whether it be on purpose or indirectly, as if I was of any less value.

I have been so lucky to have been blessed with some incredible people in my life. I am aware and thankful. I need to focus on that more, and let go of the things I allow to hurt me. These negative things do not deserve a position in my heart, if they cannot see any value in me. If they cannot see reason to see life through my eyes.

Now, I could take this post and apply it to a few things in my life. So don't read too much into it. It is more me recognizing the fact that I allow things to take hold of me, and even when they prove themselves as selfish, careless, thoughtless (not calling anyone that, it is just me speaking in general), I need to separate myself, rather than making excuses for them and allowing them to repeatedly do this to me over and over and over again. I've done it my entire life, I shouldn't give that power to anyone.

No, it isn't my husband, so don't think that, he is a kind man. It is me, it is what I allow people to do to me. Thankfully, I believe God knows this about me and has graciously surrounded me with people who are good for me, who care, who like me just as I am. And maybe with time, I will learn from these people. :)

All easier said than done. And if past is a good reference for future, then I am screwed. LOL. I've said it once, and I suppose I'll go ahead and say it again....I'd rather be hurt for worrying / caring, than never have cared enough at all.

Homes for Haiti 5K

2011-01-25T19:24:00.000-08:00

I couldn't be more excited to be helping organize my very first 5k race, Homes for Haiti 5k.

The race will be held at Glacier Ridge Metro Park, in Plain City, OH on April 16, 2011 at 9 am.

Today, the race was featured on Yahoo Sports. How exciting is that? Please, show your support, check it out. Please click on the link below!

Yahoo Sports Features Homes for Haiti 5k

I am sure I will be posting more about this as we move along in the process. But, please spread the word. Train to run, plan to walk, share with your friends. Come join us and help the people of Haiti get the shelter they have lost.

Two Feet and a Heartbeat

2011-01-18T11:02:00.000-08:00

I like this so much, I am posting it here. Because, I want to be able to find it again one day. I hope you all like it as much as I do.

Thankful

2011-01-18T10:44:00.000-08:00

I was speaking with a girl at the gym the other day. She is training for a goal she has and we were discussing how that is going. She asked me about my marathon training, I didn't get the impression that she was too familiar with Boston or how one got to go, but it didn't matter. She understood training and the effort that goes into that. Her dedication to her goal, and her heart is so inspiring.

I explained that I had only been 'racing' for a little over a year. And, had I not started racing, I never would have known what I was capable of doing.

This kind of stuck with me the past few days. Had I not set a goal and been surrounded by just the right people, I never would have accomplished anything. I never would have known where the bar is, or to even try to push it.

I enjoy running the miles with marathon training. Both I have trained for have challenged me in different ways. There is a sense of reward in that, everyday when you set out and you overcome that challenge, you overcome an obstacle. No matter what it is.

But, I was thinking how thankful I am for the people in my life who encourage me. The people who stop and ask how it is going. The ones who listen to me ramble on and on. I know most don't REALLY care about the details, they are being nice and encouraging. But, thanks for listening. This is big to me, this is important to me. This is a piece of who I am, and when you listen, when you stop, I know you care. Thank you.

I am a bit insecure at times, low in the confidence side of things. Is it because of inexperience? Maybe. But, for the people who have believed in me when I didn't, thank you. Those who have stood firm in their reassurance, thank you. For the ones who have not only reassured, but ran beside me in my lack of faith, you all carried me. You still do. Don't ever think for a moment I don't notice, or that I take it for granted. Because I don't. I notice and am thankful beyond words.

Your words of encouragement, when the road gets hard, when I want to stop, when I hurt...those words I carry and replay in my mind when I need them most. I hear your voices and your words. I truly do.

For the people who have made themselves available, whether it be to listen, to encourage, to support, to train....you all are a gift and a blessing to me. I will not forget. God knew I needed you all, thank you for being here for me when I'm scared to run it alone.

Some Pics

2011-01-18T04:22:00.000-08:00

Below are two sideways picture of Cole. I tried to turn them, and I did turn them, but they uploaded how they wanted to. Gerr. Oh well, here is one of my sweeties. Gotta get a good picture of Gabe to post, maybe I will sneak up on him.

Below are two pictures of our dog, Buddy. We had just given him a bath and he insisted on going outside right afterward. Well, it was insanely cold and he wanted back in almost immediately, since his hair was wet. When he came in he jumped into his cage and covered himself up with blankets until he got warm. This cracked us up. He looks kinda cute in these, and I love the colors.

This is my little guy. Fallen asleep in my running hat. Love that kid.

2010 Year End Report

2011-01-11T06:03:00.000-08:00

I just started recording my workouts on DailyMile about mid March, so, there are many I missed. But, this is super cool to see. A year end report of my workouts!
Go ahead, click on it. Check it out!
http://www.dailymile.com/people/melomiles/training/2010/summary

Dandelion

2011-01-11T04:14:00.001-08:00

I record my workouts on DailyMile . On the site they will have DailyMile Missions of the day. Today was to post a picture of how you see yourself when you run. Some people posted a turtle, some a baby cat, others really fast animals. All very good, and to see the reason behind the choice of photo was interesting and not always what you would think.

For me, I couldn't say I felt like an animal. Or like much of anything. Other than maybe the wind. Not because I feel fast, or slow. Maybe just breezy. When I run the trails, I love getting to admire nature as I go. Some times, I get to take in a beautiful sunrise, clear blue skies, a frozen creak, scurrying leaves, amazing clouds. Other times, it will be playful birds that catch my attention.

I'm breezy. I'm breezy in thought. It is my time to think through things, to release my stress and worries...usually alone. I really get lost in the scenery, in thought, in prayer, in music. I drift.

9/10 times I'm not overly focused on anything about my run, and I can easily forget what I am doing. This of course not if I am fighting an injury, or working on speed or something. But that is not the overall case of my runs.

Anyway, I just thought this to be an interesting mission.

I want to party in your vacation home

2011-01-10T13:54:00.000-08:00

Okay, most of you won't appreciate this. Booking agent humor. This is about how some of the inquiries go. :)

New Year and Warm Weather

2010-12-31T09:33:00.001-08:00

This has been one of the hardest years I can remember in a LONG time. I have been blessed with good friends, a great family and good health of myself and those around me. No complaints.

But in the midst of many blessings, it still was a rough year (not gonna harp on the negatives). I had one of the biggest accomplishments of my life, Boston Qualification. One I never would have thought I would achieve. But I did. I can replay the summer of training in my mind, and even though it didn't go as planned, I had a wonderful time. I met some incredible people along the way. I am thankful. I can't help but recognize the fact that God brings the right people into your life, at the right time. I know these people God has placed in my life, are part of my life for a reason, without doubt. I do not take that lightly.

I'm just not good in bitter temperatures. And then on December 1st, it hit like ton a of bricks. With sudden fury, winter was upon us, bringing temperatures 20 below the average. One of the coldest Decembers in a long time.

But today, New Years Eve, God has graced us with temperatures near 50!!!!!! Near 50! Is there anything more invigorating than the sun and feeling some form or warmth in the air? I got to run outside today, and my muscles were warm. They weren't tight, they didn't get progressively tighter. Yeah, I'm fighting my knee right now, but my body ran free, it ran loose. It felt just right....minus the knee. No complaints, it was so good to see the sun, to see other runners out, to see melting ice on the creek. Proof of life!

I couldn't ask for a better way to end the year and ring in the next. Wishing everyone a healthy and happy 2011. Much love!

When Good Runs Turn Bad

2010-12-27T19:37:00.000-08:00

I dislike being cold. When I step outside in the winter, I don't want to feel the cold on my skin. I have spent time talking to many people trying to find the best clothes to keep me warm for running outside this winter. All within reason...meaning not TOO expensive, as most of these clothes are more than I would like to pay.

I have never made it past mid November running outside. I usually wuss out about then, and take it indoors on the treadmill. I prefer outside, but would pick being warm over cold any day. So this is my first year running outside in the winter. I am a Mel on a Mission, to make it through!

The main reason for the winter outside run punishment, is marathon training. With April 18 on the horizon, I do not believe a treadmill will be sufficient. I'm sure someone could argue it, I am sure someone has trained this way, but that just isn't how I feel comfortable doing this. The rookie that I am.

So, since this is my first winter running in the elements, I am 100% clueless on how my body will respond to this. I really thought as long as I had warm clothes I would be okay, and as long as I didn't run on ice. I have achieved that. But, what I didn't know is that my muscles do not seem to loosen up at all. In fact, they do the opposite. They get tighter, and tighter until things that never hurt, begin to hurt. This all started on a 13 mile run I did about a month ago. My left hip began to hurt.

So, I stretched that out and did things I thought would help. And it went away. Then, the right hip began to hurt, and it carried down to my right knee. Which I thought this may be my IT Band.

I went out for a 14 mile run yesterday that went horribly wrong. My good run turned bad. I was done at 6 miles. Over done at 7 miles. Burnt at 10. Walking at 11. Walking / Running 12-14. But the walking / running was ONLY because it was maybe 21 degrees out and there were no shortcuts back to the car. I wanted to get there as fast as possible, which was SLOW.

I don't know how to describe how I felt. I didn't like that they guys that I ran with had to be concerned about where I was. I didn't like that I fumbled it all. I didn't like that they felt they had to turn around for me. I don't like being the weak link. I don't mind if someone else needs help, it's just if it is going to be me that is weak....I'd rather run alone. Where I can be miserable alone, where I can push myself alone, where I hold nobody back, where I make nobody feel bad. Where I am not a burden (that sounds so old!).

I hated being passed by people who run slower. I know that is bad and prideful. I know that sounds comptetive. I am very proud of everyone who has the dedication, and desire to get out there and do what they do, no matter what pace or what activity. It isn't about that, it isn't about me being better than anyone, never has been. It's about knowing what I am capable of, and not settling for doing anything less than my best. I had to chew, swallow and digest my own pride.

When I do something I enjoy, I give it everything I have. Everything that I have to offer, all that I am. This past summer, my PF started. And now this knee thing that took me down, that drove me to tears (stupid I know, and was out of pure frustration, not out of pain).

This isn't really supposed to be about any injuries. It is more about April 18 will be here so soon. And so far the training has been some of the hardest I have ever done. And when I say hard, I don't mean you get through the run and are thinking...man, that was an awesome really hard run! No, I mean like...my runs are suffering and it scares me. I'm doubting myself and ability, something terrible. Yesterdays run, it did nothing but tear what little confidence I had going into this...right down.

But, I have a goal in mind. Sure, I feel beat down...but I gotta get back up. So, I here we go, counting down the bitter cold months. 2 more to go! Then maybe the outside runs will become more like I remember them to be. So. Very. Tired of this... and some other things (being/feeling held back, another topic). I'm no quitter.

Low Iron?

2010-12-23T05:16:00.000-08:00

I've often wondered if I have an iron deficancy. Not because I want to have one, but because I have in the past.

When I was little, maybe around 5 or so, my mom took me to the doctor for something. They did blood work and found me to be anemic. They wanted her to bring me back in a few days and they were going to retest me. But she never did.

When I was pregnant I was anemic. But, that kind of makes sense, so never really thought about it too much other than...yeah, I'm not surprised.

Then, on occasion, when I tried to donate blood, I wasn't allowed because I was anemic. But not every time.

So, I get tired a lot. I figure most people do. Feeling tired could also be a combo of all the running and working out. And that even though I try to eat as good as possible, in reality I could certainly use more vegetables and meat. I know this, and am working on it, but forming new habits doesn't happen over night.

There is a 'test' you can do with a gold ring. If you rub it on your skin, and your skin turns black, then you have low iron. If this test is real, then I have low iron more days than I do not. I kind of believe the ring test may be somewhat right, because I can take the same ring and rub it on my family and it does nothing. But on me....it is black as can be. And I know when it will turn my skin black before I even rub it, because I can feel it. It doesn't do it all of the time, but most.

So, I had wondered if working out would effect my iron levels, in the past. But wrote that notion off for different reasons. I figured I would mainly have to add foods to my diet. But, yesterday, I was reading a book and was looking at the definitions in the back. And here is what I read....

"IRON: Combines with protein and copper to make hemoglobin, a pigment that colors the blood red and which carries oxygen through the bloodstream from the lungs to all bodily tissue. Also forms myoglobin, which transports oxygen in muscle tissue for use in fueling contractions. Deficiency is common in athletes. Without enough iron, you cannot train. Iron is easily lost thought sweat, urine feces and menstrual flow. Runners in particular are suspected of inefficient absorption of dietary iron. RDA: 10 mg (men), 18 mg (women). Dietary sources: liver, oysters, lean meat, leafy green vegetables, whole grains, dried fruit, legumes."

ISSA Fitness The Complete Guide

Okay, so, I think IF I have a problem with iron, I have had it my entire life...off and on. But, this certainly answers my question about working out effecting it as well. Kind of makes me feel better. Like I'm not weird or something. :)

Uncle

2010-12-03T09:18:00.000-08:00

What more can I say? Well, a lot I suppose. But I won't...too much.

I'm pretty lucky. I have great friends, a great family, all of whom support me and lift me up when I need it most. But even in the midst of that, there are always those moments that leave you feeling a bit worse for the wear. And no matter how much sense can be made from it all, it still carries the initial sting, even without the intent ever having been there.

It's funny, I just read a blog about a great friend of mine. You may have heard me mention her before, Jenny J. This blog was about her running. She was describing herself emotionally and said she is soulless and doesn't cry easy, but found herself crying watching people run across the finish line of the first marathon she ever watched, which in turn inspired her to run.

I can relate to that description. At times, I feel a bit soulless because things that are upsetting don't really make me cry. I am very sensitive and emotional, but usually don't struggle with any sudden outbursts or anything. I hold myself together pretty well. But the past year...if anybody has been around me, they would swear differently.

I think I'm just taking everything so personally lately. Even when that isn't the intention. Fighting with myself on feeling emotionally beat up. Not that anyone is doing that to me, it's just my own reaction. And I am a very happy person, rarely will you see me down. I remain positive, pretty up beat and keep my thoughts going in the right direction. I am aware of how lucky I am in my life.

We all have those moments when nothing is wrong, but you just don't feel yourself. And I guess that is this, this is that.

Believing in the Good

2010-11-17T10:05:00.000-08:00

Why I make the choices I make.

I know I have repeatedly made decisions that others just don't understand why. Usually regarding friends, relationships, personalities or misunderstandings.

I was at Jason's Deli today. I was watching people as they carried on in their lives. And I was reminded again, by watching them, that I believe most people to be good. Sure, I also believe we are all sinners. We all make mistakes, bad choices, and do dumb things. But I believe, inside, the majority don't wish harm on people and do not want to be the cause of it. That the things that get us all fired up and so quick to shut people out, are simply bad communication, mistakes, bad choices, all of the dumb things we are all so capable, and usually guilty of doing ourselves.

So, when I see people...I see, there is another side. Another perspective. Whether we can understand that perspective or not. Life is so circumstantial. Things shape us and mold us. Our child hood, our daily experiences, our faith, or morals and values. So many, many things. Even the drug addict and drunkard have stories.

I still stand by, and cannot stop myself from believing in the good. Believing that most people do not mean harm. Sure, there are exceptions to the rule. But, I am who I am. I still believe. I always have hope. And I don't want to be any other way.

115th Boston Marathon

2010-11-13T14:45:00.001-08:00

I'm NOT bragging. I find myself hesitating to talk about this because I don't want to sound braggy. But, here's the deal...when I decided to train for my first marathon ever just this past summer, Boston didn't even cross my mind. It wasn't until I ran two half marathons in the course of my training. My first I held a pace around 8:04, the second around 7:59 (Garmin time).

Based on those times, and the calculations of Marathon time calculators, a fantastic running group and friends who had faith in me and encouraged me...I knew I should be able to do it.

However, I do have Plantar Fasciitis. This limited my training ability to distance, no speed training. Which wavered my confidence. As if running your first 26.2 miles ever doesn't scare you enough, try knowing what you should be capable of and throwing a kink in that. So, I tossed the idea of Boston back out. Well sort of....

I couldn't let go of the numbers and statistics. I just didn't want to get my hopes up only to be let down on race day. Then, the morning of the race, I'm standing there with my two great friends, Greg and Jenny. Amazing people, huge motivators and strength for me. Thunderstruck is playing, fireworks are going off, clothes are flying, the energy is high! I decide, to follow the pacer and go with the numbers. Despite my non-speed training.

I do think the workout classes I take helped. I think the plyometric and ballistic movements helped where speed workouts could not be done. So the dedication to the classes and all the miles I put in, somehow...I pulled it off in the middle of an injury. I came across with a BQ and didn't injure myself further.

I know there are bigger, grander accomplishments out there, I don't deny that. I know that even the smallest goals can be the biggest achievements, it's all situational and perspective. But, I truly believe Boston was a gift from God. This run was on God's strength he gave me. And because I try not to talk about it TOO much, I think I fail to allow myself to feel the joy and excitement of the achievements, to soak in. So...today....I'm posting my acceptance letter. Because, I should be proud. And I am. I'm shipping off to Boston April 2011!!!

Oh yeah, it's sideways because it wouldn't turn on my computer. But you get the idea.

The Things We Cling To

2010-11-09T20:46:00.000-08:00

I don't know if I can say what I'm thinking all that great. But, it has been on me for a while now, and pieces are always recurring.

I tend to hold on to things. Not material so much as emotional things. This year has been a battle for me no doubt. The issues that once were, with people I valued greatly. The issues sorted themselves as they often do, with time, hurt, some healing and lessons learned. Some of these relationships have not fully been restored, some have gone their own way, but all carried their loss and pain. And I remained quiet, hoping in hurt. Well...for the most part. :)

Then, there was running. It seemed to carry the brunt of my emotions this summer. My focus became The Marathon. Something I was too chicken to committ to for too long, and needed to prove to myself, and accomplish it on my own. Sure, there were loads of wonderful people along the way that held my hand, pushed me along, but on this path I had to decide to go alone. And what I mean by that is, that the majority of these training runs were alone. If I was not successful on my own, away from my friends, I couldn't perform come race day.

I needed to release myself, running was my emotions. And then, my feet began to hurt. I now focus on healing, so I can dive into more training for my 'Gift' marathon...The Boston. Though, I haven't gotten my acceptance letter yet.... Anyway, I'm not going to carry on with this, you've heard it all before.

Over the past couple of months, either more tragic things are happening around me, or my eyes are opened a little wider.

Aging grand parents on my husbands side, whose health is as to be expected for their age. But painful for their children to watch. Our Associate Pastor who passed away suddenly while out riding his bike. Another member of our church, a young mom, diagnosed with Liver Cancer, given a short time to live (still here, thank God). A dear friend of mine who out of the blue, developed a blood clotting disease where his blood just keeps clotting. The doctors are still trying to stop the clotting after a couple of months of medicines and shots. I could go on with this list...seriously. Seems to be a lot of hurting people lately.

Where I'm going with this is, so many times I allow myself to get hung up on my own emotions, on circumstances, people who twist things, friends I trusted who hurt me or let me down, on the chaos of life (that most times we bring on ourselves). I get caught up in the everyday, what I have to do, what I haven't done, what I wish I could do.

I tell my kids so often, that I hope they get good grades, I hope they get good jobs, I hope they have nice things. But, NOTHING is more important than their faith. Nothing is more important than knowing what you believe in. Do you believe that Jesus died for your sins? If you have questions or doubt, seek the answers until you get them. Because, all of these things....the disappointments, the schedules, the grades, relationships, jobs, you name it....it doesn't matter in the end.

A day will come, when I'm out jogging and I suddenly am gone. Just like our Associate Pastor. Or, a day will come when I get sick, and can't get better. This day comes to us all. And when we are standing on the other side, will we wish we mowed the grass more often? Or ran a little faster? Or do you think we will wish that we spent less time allowing ourselves to cry over these nothings, and keep our eyes lifted up and focused?

For all the disappointments of the year, and for of the wonderful moments, and blessings as well. I still try to take in the moments and remember... eternity is what this is all about. At least for me it is.

Goofing around

2010-10-27T13:43:00.000-07:00

Stats and Pics

2010-10-21T04:31:00.000-07:00

Finsih Time: 3:41:38
Avg. Pac: 8:28
Overall Place: 1089 out of 4143
Gender Place: 219 out of 1587 females
Age Group Place: 44 out of 281 Females

Me just across the finish line.

And then...the sickness set in. For the rest of the night. It hurt and wasn't pleasent.

John coming across the finish of his very first 13.1!!! Go John.

John taking care of my sick butt.

Columbus Marathon - My Story

2010-10-18T17:50:00.000-07:00

Wow! What a weekend. Very memorable from start to finish. Slow to post this for a couple of reasons.

It started Saturday morning when my friend and I went for a 2 mile, loosen up the joints run, cleaned ourselves up and headed out to the expo where we shopped, and just had a nice time.

Came back home, cleaned the house for the arrival of my dear friend flying in from St. Louis to run the race. Cooked some food and went off to our running group Carb Load party. There was a great turn out of about 20 people, a lot of the Run DMC group made it out, a fantastic group of people, and met some really great people I had never met before. We all shared in the food, the laughs, and nerves.

We all headed home at a respectable time, to get in bed early. Though we all knew...we wouldn't be able to sleep much, due to pre race jitters.

4:30 am rolled around early. With little to no sleep we all got ourselves up and moving, grabbed all our things needed to help make the race go smooth (IPods, Water, GU, Gum, things of that nature.) and then were out about 5:45.

We made it to the race with enough time to Port o' Pot two times, meet our running group before the race and make it to line up just in time.

John, was in the back getting ready to run his first 13.1 ever, and I made my way through 15K people to line up at the 3:40 pacer with the original 3 Run DMC...Me, Greg and Jenny!

It was chilly out, they started the race off with fireworks and playing Thunderstruck. People began shedding their unwanted, keep me warm before the race clothes. They were flying everywhere. FANTASTIC energy!!! And I was ready to go.

Okay now...to address the obvious issue. I do have PF. I still have PF. I have not done ANY speed training, or hills, or strides, nothing but distance. So, ever since I realized my PF wasn't going anywhere anytime soon, I struggled with knowing that since my last half was at a 7:59 pace that I should be able to hold around 8:20 - 8:35 ...SHOULD. But, given given the gimp foot, I should accept that I may come in anywhere from 3:45 - 4:30 and it's all okay because it is about just getting across the finish line for the first time.

When the race started, my stubborn side or what I believe to be logic... decided to go with the numbers, I would try to hold the 3:40 pace as long as possible. As long as I had those red and white pacer balloons to focus on, I wouldn't have to think...just focus on the balloons and lose myself.

Luckily, I had Jenny and Greg for the first 13 miles. Then we all started to kind of have to deal with our own 'marathon' issues from there, but we stuck together as long as possible. We lost Greg after 13 to a bum calve, but he pressed on and finished even through strong pain. I lost Jenny at mile 15, she spent the next 10 miles fighting some ab cramps and catching up with her time. This girl is STRONG! She had to have had a mad pace to make up lost time, and then pass me. Which she did.

So, Jenny and I met on Daily Mile (a long story that you can find on here if you dig back far enough). We began our training program together, then Greg joined us, Jenny moved, I was injured but kept running with Greg and the wonderful Run DMC running group took off. What a blessing. So, what began together, finished together. Jenny and I were seconds apart.

Somehow, by the grace of God...no joke here...I qualified for Boston. That was not by anything I had done. You all have been witness to my training. It isn't that I don't work out hard, because I do. It isn't that I haven't put in the miles, because I have. But, for the first marathon, with PF, without the speed training...I think Boston was a gift. One that I know was God given and fully supported, encouraged and fed by DM, Run DMC, my husband, family and dear friends.

So...in the face of what felt like a battle. Physical, mental, emotional. For the injury, the race, some other issues I have had to deal with on a personal level...this marathon was so much more than just a marathon. Almost something to overcome, conquer or prove to myself. One I am overwhelmed by and haven't totally soaked in or processed.

Thank you all my loved friends and family. You all had your special part in my race. I could list you all, and I would, but if I left someone off I would feel horrible. So I will leave it here. Thanks!

Oh yeah, and...if I never see another GU again...it couldn't see soon enough. The race, possibly the GU, ...as soon as the race was over my stomach cramped up and left me with what felt like the stomach flu for the rest of the entire day and night!!! Though it eased enough for me to go to the Pub with Jenny, Greg and another friend joined up too.

I will post race results and photos soon!

Marathon Anxiety

2010-10-13T19:38:00.000-07:00

Seems so much has been on my mind lately. Sometimes, it would be so nice to just lay it all out there. But other times, it is almost overwhelming and I just keep it bottled up. Just sorting through it all.

I think I will go at it a little at a time, hack away. This post is just the tip of what has been stirring.

There are many posts on here regarding running and my training, and my foot issues. I really had hoped the foot issues would have been gone by now. For there to be no further mention of it...but, I guess that wouldn't be realistic then, would it?

So, I have Plantar Fasciitis. I went to a Podiatrist, I taped my foot, I bought the inserts. No luck. Then on to a Sports Med doctor who did Deep Tissue massages weekly to try to break up scar tissue (not complaining about the massages). And it helped, for about the first day after. I stretched, I exercised it, I wore the hideous Strassburg Sock. Then about two weeks ago I got the Cortisone Shot. And it helped for about a week. But then, it was all still there...still angry at me.

It has been so frustrating. Training for months, in pain. Not being able to speed train, or hill train, no strides, no meter runs, no tempos, or anything really more than just running and building endurance, building a solid base. Not exactly how I had planned. And if anyone knows me, when I get something set in my head, I have a hard time accepting something different. In this situation there was no choice other than not run at all and....well...that wasn't going to happen.

So, here I am, 4 days from Marathon Day. Scared. Scared of not knowing how hard it will be. Any runner knows, there are days you set out, and you can bust out 10+ miles and it feels great. Then there are the days when running 3 requires more determination than ever expected, when the legs don't want to turn over. And you never know until the run begins just how that run will be, then take that run past 15 miles...and it is a whole other monster.

Will the legs turn over at a good pace? How stiff and how painful will it all become and at what mile??? Will the foot hold up??? Will I make it without having to stop to potty??? It's all a guessing game really, you just don't know. 3+ months of training. Preparing physically. Fighting injuries. Fighting laziness on bad days. Staying disciplined, and determined no matter what tries to stop you. And let me tell you, things try to stop you. But you get up and you go anyway, you adjust the schedules, you do what has to be done to accomplish the goal. All without knowing what will come on race day.

So many have accomplished this goal. Maybe to some, it's not that big of a deal. Maybe because they have run it. Maybe to others it isn't a big deal because it's just running. But until you commit to a Marathon...until you train for one, you just really don't know how much goes into it. Not just physically, but emotionally.

My race is so much more than the Marathon. This race truly embodies a year of hurt, not just my foot. A year of standing up when I don't feel like it. I ran the race to focus, to have a goal that I have been too scared to commit to, for far too long.

I get emotional about it, not because of the race...not totally anyway. But for the things I have battled this year, for the training, commitment, the Plantar Fasciitis for all the things that tried to tear me down. All the things that tried to jump up and block me. I hope to finish the race, I hope to finish relatively strong. I hope to stand up and look it all in the eye and know...I didn't let all the things that hurt me, knock the feet from under me. I didn't give up.

I can't wait to see my friends who will Boston Qualify. I can't wait to see people I care about run their first races. To see friends and family on the course handing out water, playing in a band, cheering all the runners on. To run the race surrounded by the new friends I have trained the long runs with.

This should be a great day, one I hope stays with me for a long time.

"Think right. Stay present. Watch out. Seek God."

2010-09-29T10:33:00.000-07:00

I think one of my biggest downfalls is needing to be in control.

I fear death. Because I know that there is no 'do over'. I can't go back once it is all said and done. I have one life, one chance, to figure it out. I know I believe that Jesus died for my sins...but...in my own sinful nature, fear that he will say he doesn't know me. Nothing I do, say, or pray can save me. Only faith, hope, trust in what Jesus did. And you know what, that relies on nothing within my control. This is a good thing, because obviously I would blow it, but is still a struggle for me.

I fear flying. Because I am scared of heights. Why am I scared of heights? For fear of falling? And why am I afraid to fall? Because I am afraid of death. You see the circle? Nice isn't it? So, do you think I fly...nope.

I am the adult child of alcoholics. Do I blame this, no. But I know I have positive and negative side effects from it. I don't think I would change the way I grew up, even as frustrating as it was and is. Because I know that I wouldn't believe deep in my core the things I do. I wouldn't care deeply, the same as I do. But at the same time, this deep caring, made me the 'peace keeper', the happy one, the turn the negative around person in my house when things were going bad. This didn't always happen, but that was my role.

I think because of my need to feel control, my deep need to feel secure, my need to feel peace, I allow this to control me more than I should. I need these things.

I am slowly learning that there comes a point in all things. A point past my control. And at that point, it is okay to not be in control, to not feel secure, to not have peace. I know that sounds crazy. But at that point, and before, I need to let the worry go and trust God to take care of. Obviously this is my thorn. Fear, control, worry, no ripples, no waves.

I have had things, and people test this in me over the past year. I have failed miserably! But, the one funny thing I have seen in the midst of my hurting...there comes a point...a point I never reached before...where the pain, hurt, disappointment grows numb and turns into..."it figures". Pessimistic I know. But, I think I need a little of that. Maybe I'm wrong.

So, on a related topic. I have been marathon training for a few months. 8 years of running! Jogging to lose baby weight, led to enjoying the jog, to racing, to improving, to setting goals. 8 year journey. The moment I set out for the marathon...I got injured. I have battled it the entire training. It has prevented me from training as I should. It has prevented me from reaching the goal I had, other than simply crossing the finish line. Now, I have new goals, less lofty to meet. Trying to accept this 'change' and know, it's okay to not meet this goal this time.

I've learned sooooo much already about running over the course of this training, I am thankful for that. God has put some remarkable people in my life through this training, that I KNOW deep inside were sent for me. Maybe a bit of an angel in them, to me anyway. God sends.

So, I got my cortisone shot yesterday. 48 hours of no running or jumping. Not so bad. Icing my foot like a good girl. I notice now that the pain is subsiding, that I have altered my walking to compensate for the pain I have had for 2-3 months. I am surprised by this. Either way, I am a little nervous about my running now that I know the heel is 'numb' or whatever. I don't want to hurt it more. I start PT after the race. Please wish my foot well. I want to pursue more marathons and possibly some shorter Ultras. Possibly. And I really want to work on speed! All without injuring myself, it isn't worth that.

So, it all goes hand in hand with control. This year, I am being taught a hard lesson. Much needed, yes. I can't fix the worlds problems, let alone the majority of my own...and it isn't my burden. I need to let it go and trust God. I will not always say or do things properly and I may piss someone off a long the way. I may not be able to fix that, no matter how badly I want to. It's okay if I'm hated, even though it hurts.

It's okay if I am hurt. It's okay if my goals were shot. At least, up to now, I am still running.

So, today, when reading the bible, I read a little devotion with the following key points. All so good.

"Think right. Stay present. Watch out. Seek God."

Success

2010-09-13T06:07:00.001-07:00

My friend emailed this to me. To keep me focused on the goal of the marathon. But I think this can apply to life in so many forms. Most situations are perspective, what you make of them, the seeds you choose to plant in your own mind. To feed and grown. I believe in that.

Hope you like this too. Thanks Greg B.!

It's the little things....a little bit of nothings.

2010-09-12T17:56:00.001-07:00

Nothing big to say. Random little thoughts and nothings on my mind. Good place to be, I suppose.

It's the little, subtle things sometimes. Or the small acknowledgments, kind words and encouragement that are noticed most

Been feeling a bit 'tolerated', pushed aside. Hurts. Could go into this a little more, but...ehh.

Random compliment, the guy at McDonald's told me my makeup looked good. That wasn't expected but was really nice to hear. Made my day.

The new dog is cute. But too much of a biter. In a bad way. Struggling with that.

The top of my foot hasn't hurt the past few runs. But my PF has reminded me, rather painfully, that it is still there and is the boss of me. It can take me down...easy. 5 more weeks to go until the race, and one more long run. Going for 20-22 this Wednesday! I'm scared.

When people pass you when you jog...whether on bike or foot, why won't they return a simple Good Morning greeting??? Some will, but some won't. Workout snobs!

Put my husband and a friend through a workout routine. That was fun. I think I would really like training people.

I get to go home soon and spend an evening with my sister. I look forward to that, doesn't happen often enough. I miss her. I get to see my Dad too!

Got a big week of training ahead. I hope I can do it.

Had a fun 18 mile run this morning and then fun watching the kids goof off with bb guns at a birthday party. Here are some pics (there is a story behind the stroller).

How running has turned me into an 85-year-old

2010-09-12T08:42:00.000-07:00

How running has turned me into an 85-year-old.
By Rebecca Gray

1. Sometimes I am creaky going up the stairs, down the stairs, and getting up from chairs.
2. I talk a lot about above-mentioned creakiness.
3. I get up early on the weekends while everyone else sleeps in.
4. Sometimes I go to bed at 8:30pm.
5. I am always wearing comfortable shoes.
6. I always have the name of a good doctor handy.
7. I take frequent restroom breaks and can tell you the local places to stop if you are in need of a nice, clean bathroom.
8. Sometimes I long for the days of running yesteryear, when I was "young" and fitter.
9. I stick to bland foods so as not to upset my stomach.
10. My headphones have affected my hearing slightly, so I may need to ask you to repeat what you just said. And again, and again...

But, for all the ways it has made me feel older, it has also made me feel wiser and healthier. And, I hope to still be running when I am, actually, 85.

So, I'm on this website Daily Mile where I can log all my miles, workouts and what not. I like it because I can look back at any time and see how much I trained per week, month, year, whatever. Or, if I get lazy and don't fee like putting together a strength training workout, I can pick a previous workout I did. There is loads of information on the site, challenges, and years and years of knowledge from everyone who has joined. But the best part of it all is....the people. Super duper people who are super duper encouraging, and just as nutty as I am. They get it! They get why I do what I do. It's awesome. I have met some wonderful people already from this site, and made some great friends.

One super nice girl posted the above list about running. And it was so true, I had to repost it. Nicely done Rebecca!

Tolerated

2010-09-09T15:02:00.000-07:00

Do you ever get the feeling that you are simply tolerated??? What a crappy feeling. Maybe I have in the past, off and on, but I can't remember anything specific. Maybe it's an insecurity issue, maybe not. Who knows. But...I don't think so. I think I have somewhat decent radar when it comes to others emotions (and a super bad radar at other times).

I have always known I am a sensitive person, but here lately...geez!!! Come on, Mel! I have always carried the 'peace maker' burden my entire life (adult child of alcoholics here). I like peace, happiness, comfortable, feel good moments (who doesn't, really?), and if it isn't that...I feel it in my entire being and it drives me bonkers! It leaves me unsettled. I feel the need to fix it.

I process way too much crap and take it to heart probably more than I should. I know I put entirely too much pressure and expectations on myself, in so many ways. I'm tired of listening to my own thoughts! Pathetic! And whoa to the poor people who have to live with me. Thank God they love me! :) At least I think they do...here we go again! I'm kidding this time.

So, I could carry on and blog more about it. But...who wants to hear it??? Nobody. Nobody likes a Negative Nelly. Though I don't really feel it is negative so much as overly sensitive??? Over thinking??? There has been a tone to this blog lately.

So...I'm carrying on with the 'hobby type' things I enjoy to do. The things that make me happy. I love running and pushing my runs to improve. I love running with my running buddies. I love strength training and my PHIT classes. I love to be social. I love to be around people, friends and family.

Soaking in the things I feel joy in. Because tolerated is a lonely, hurtful place to be. If tolerated is what I am, tolerated doesn't deserve who I am.

Writing about hormones, trust, Jesus, and "There will be Blood"

2010-09-04T10:59:00.000-07:00

Because it's my blog and I CAN! So if you don't want to read this, you may want to stop now. Though I promise it isn't graphic or anything.

Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you're gonna get. Right? If only PMS was as sweet as a box of chocolates. But, lets face it, it isn't. Truly you don't know what you're gonna get, but it sure as heck isn't gonna be sweet.

Lets see, the range of moods can go from anger, sensitivity, irritability, and flat out total exhaustion. Though I can count complete exhaustion every month, since I have bouts of anemia. Usually, it will be one lovely emotion for an entire week, but if you're real lucky, you may get all of them with in a few minutes of another. I think it is God's way of making us welcome 'that time of the month'. Just to be part of the sane world again. It sucks to see how you are acting and not be able to stop it.

This time round, exhaustion is at an all time high. Irritability, so / so. Depends on who and what is going on. Lots of messiness, chaotic things, annoying sounds are not good. So living in a house with 3 boys, one husband and a new puppy can prove challenging at times, for me not to go mad.

Anger, not so much. Sensitivity, well, I am a pretty sensitive person so I feel as though I am teetering on the edge. This month, it is regarding trust.

I feel as though I am a pretty darn trusting person. Probably to a MAJOR fault. John, on the other hand, is my polar opposite. In almost every way. I think this can be a good thing, even though at times we can both want to shake each other or poke each others eyes out or something like that. (kidding).

John says this clip, from There will be Blood, is him. I say...maybe...sometimes, but not really. :)

John says I need to become more like this clip. I say no, I will never be that. Though, I think I do get slapped in the face with a shock of reality a little too often because of my naivety and trust. Will I ever learn? Probably not, because I still chose love. Once again, to my own fault.

There is a song, By Your Side by Tenth Avenue North. I love the lyrics to it.

I think I need to learn, in some way, to stop expecting people be loving too. It isn't that I believe that people aren't. I do believe people are, 100%. I think this is where I get in trouble. I believe it so much, I keep making excuses for behaviors or actions. Because I do believe, if you were to live the life of each person, that there is a reason behind each action that normally if we saw it through their eyes, we would not be so hard on people, or so quick to bash them or just toss them to the curb.

I think this is also the same reason why I think I keep getting smacked in the face with a bad dose of reality. Or bad dose of cruelty, unfairness or lack of concern. At least in my opinion...of course.

So, I really think I need to think upon the lyrics of this song. To realize how much Jesus does love us. That he will not slap me in the face. He sees my heart (yes, the good and the bad). And he still loves me. He will not leave me hurting, alone, or turn his back on me.

He is our true friend. I need to look up, instead of out...just a little more often. :) But...I still love everyone!

***After thought. Needed to clarify, my friends are my true friends. This is more that I think it would be wise for me to look up to God a little more often. ***

Why are you striving these days
Why are you trying to earn grace
Why are you crying
Let me lift up your face
Just don't turn away

Why are you looking for love
Why are you still searching
As if I'm not enough
To where will you go child
Tell me where will you run
To where will you run

'Cause I'll be by your side wherever you fall
In the dead of night whenever you call
And please don't fight these hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you

Look at these hands at my side
They swallowed the grave on that night
When I drank the world's sin
So I could carry you in
And give you life
I want to give you life

And I'll be by your side wherever you fall
In the dead of night whenever you call
And please don't fight these hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you

Here at my side wherever you fall
In the dead of night whenever you call
And please don't fight these hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you

'Cause I, I love you
I want you to know
That I, yeah I'll love you
I'll never let you go, no, no

And I'll be by your side wherever you fall
In the dead of night whenever you call
And please don't fight these hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you

Here at my side wherever you fall
In the dead of night whenever you call
And please don't fight these hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you
Here at my side, my hands are holding you
Ohhh...

Uh...we got a dog...

2010-08-31T03:39:00.000-07:00

How on earth did that happen???

When my middle child was about 6 months old we bought a Maltese. He was about 3-4 months old and had lived in a Pet Store the entire time. Maltese have fair skin and cannot be washed too much or get too much sun.

Well, I had been told that if you cannot watch the dog, put it in the crate while training. So, I did. If I had to put the boys down for a nap, the dog went in the crate. The problem was, since he lived in a pet store so long, he was very used to just pooping all over himself in his cage. The first day we had him, I must have washed him 4 times. I was thoroughly freaked out. We took the dog back to the pet store the next day, scared my oldest son for life, and never looked at dogs again. Until yesterday...

Buddy was brought into our family. He is half Dachshund and half Cocker. He is super cute. The previous owner said he was pretty well potty trained, would whine at the door. I thought this was PERFECT for me, given my past experience.

We got home. He peed on the floor every flippin' second he could!!! I am praying it is because he doesn't know our house. Please say a prayer for the sake of my kids!

My partner in crime...

2010-08-29T19:01:00.000-07:00

Jenny J., my friend.

It's a funny thing how some people come along at just the right time in your life.

I was feeling a little lonely in my workouts and stuff, and wanting someone to train with. I would pray for God to bring something or someone.

I set out to run the half marathon in May. That morning, I debated on whether or not I wanted to put my hair in braids or if they would bounce too much and bother me, I decided against them. After getting to the race, I notice a girl who was running in front of me who had braids and was wearing a pink bandanna. It was eye catching because they were very long braids, and a pink bandanna, not many people out there like that. She held about the same pace as me, most of the run.

You notice people in races, you may have your eye on one or two, to keep pace with or even to pass.

Either way, I somehow stumbled upon a website www.dailymile.com . It is like a Facebook for runners. I didn't do anything with it for a long time, until I bought a Garmin watch and saw that Daily Mile had a new feature that would allow you to sync your watch to the site after each run. I thought this sounded pretty cool and thought I would test it out and see what I thought. I like the idea of being able to log my workouts and look back and see progress or slacking over time.

Daily Mile is different than Facebook in the sense that the majority of your friends, you don't really know. But it is highly encouraging and positive. It is full of people who understand the mind of a runner (and yes, we are different).

I began to notice one girl who was local, that I really liked the way she trained, so I decided to add her as a friend. Upon being added, I looked at her photos and saw that she was the girl with the braids from the half marathon. Small world.

After a bit of time, we noticed a lot of our running was on pace with each other and decided to start meeting up and doing long runs together for a marathon. I felt instantly comfortable around her. We were the same age, same religous beliefs, same age children, same number of children.

Jenny's husband recently graduated with a PHD in some Molecular smart persons degree. He got a job in another state.

I could go on for a long time about this summer with her, how much fun I had. But, the main point in this blog is this...sometimes people come into your life at the perfect time, that you don't know for what reason, but you know there was a reason. Something more than just a running buddy for 2-3 months.

Jenny, and her family are wonderful people. I am happy for them, I know this is good for their family. I try not to be selfish and want them to stay.

Jenny is one of the most giving, genuine, kind, and encouraging people I know. She is a solid, and fun person. A unique individual. And if I only know her for this short time, then I consider myself one of the lucky ones.

Jenny, thank you for the runs. Thank you for listening to me blab. Thank you for the encouragement. Thank you for showing up at my race and for all the photos. Thank you for showing your love to so many people, without hesitation. You give to everyone so much.

I am so sad to see you go, but I wish you and your family the best.

I don't care how much someone may not understand how I could be so sad after just meeting you, that's only because they didn't get the honor. And, I have said it once, I have said it twice.... I would rather be misunderstood than fail to share a kind word or heart. If only we stopped and told people just how special they are a little more often. So, today, I am not stopping. I believe God put you in my path, without question.

Here are the lyrics to a sappy song that keeps popping in my head as I think about your move. So, Happy Trails to you, until we meet again....

Happy trails to you, until we meet again.
Happy trails to you, keep smilin' until then.
Who cares about the clouds when we're together?
Just sing a song and bring the sunny weather.
Happy trails to you, 'till we meet again.

Some trails are happy ones,
Others are blue.
It's the way you ride the trail that counts,
Here's a happy one for you.

Happy trails to you, until we meet again.
Happy trails to you, keep smilin' until then.
Who cares about the clouds when we're together?
Just sing a song and bring the sunny weather.

Happy trails to you, 'till we meet again.

The Spirit follow up post...

2010-08-29T15:17:00.001-07:00

Okay, official results according to Run Wild Racing...

Race Summary: Half Marathon Portion

number of finishers: 945
number of females: 444
number of males: 501

I finished:
201 over all
44 out of 444 women
They have my time as 01:45:44
And average pace at 08:04
7 out of 80 women in my age group

Last year compared to this year:

Last year:
number of finishers: 1282 (placed 697) This year: 945 (placed 201)
number of females: 608 (placed 221) This year: 444 (placed 44)

Shaved a little over a minute off my average mile pace. I am very pleased. Plus, I like my Garmins results, of course.

The Spirit of Columbus

2010-08-29T09:04:00.000-07:00

I had absolutely no idea how this race would go. I knew from last year that it was hilly. I have been fighting a bunch of feet issues, as we all know. But the foot felt decent this morning.

I spent the majority of the run focusing on trying to strike mid foot and push off mid foot. In attempt to not bend my toes, at least as little as possible. There is some pain, but not too bad.

Given all the issues I have faced lately, I am pleased with this run. Here are the unofficial official Garmin 310xt results.

13.24 miles
1:45:45 time
average pace 7:59

Here are my splits:
7:46, 8:01, 7:58, 8:06, 8:02, 8:12, 7:46, 7:59, 8:03, 8:01, 8:01, 8:11, 8:01, 1.31

I know the pace will go up once they post the results, because the Garmin had me .14 longer than they say the course is. But, either way, this is a great pace for me given the wonky training I have been doing. If you can even call it training.

Here is a link to my blog about the same race last year. I shaved 14 minutes off my time. Pretty good.
The Spirit of Columbus 2009

School

2010-08-27T19:28:00.000-07:00

Mr. Chopper Lopper.

This morning you woke up, as you walked out to get dressed you told me you were happy you were going to school. You barely ate breakfast you were anxiously waiting to leave. Once in the classroom and seated, you whispered to Dad that you thought you were ready for us to leave.

A very big boy, but you weren't to big to let me get a hug and you topped it off with a great see ya later kiss. I guess when it comes to first days of school and sending off your baby, it doesn't get better than how it all went today. I love you.

Now, Gabe and Cole started earlier this week. Gabe went off to Intermediate School. Which he totally enjoyed. I think he likes the 'teenager' aspect of things, or just growing up. It is pretty funny to hear all about his observations in how different everything is. Not to mention, he likes the lunch menu options!

Cole started 3rd. He is very worried about Jude starting school. Worried about if he gets in trouble, if he makes it home safely. Cole is a good sport. He endured the photo taking, even though I am sure it isn't really cool. He lucked out this year and got a ton of friends in his class and a great teacher. I expect this to be a good year for him.

If Patience is a Virtue...

2010-08-25T09:02:00.000-07:00

If patience is a virtue, then I may be in trouble.

I think patience is a day to day thing. Sometimes, with some things, I would say I am very patient. Where some things, small as they may seem, may send me right over the edge... in no time flat.

The patience issue with me is, when I make my mind up to do something, there is no in between, no back and forth. I do the wavering before hand, and if I say I will do something then....I'm ready to roll.

I just read a friend of mines Facebook status (yes Papi, it's you), and I couldn't agree more. "You don't drown because you fall in water, you drown because you refuse to SWIM! Don't you dare give up!!."

How awesome and true is that? So many people want to do something but never take the step, or half heartedly do so. You have to decide to do something, make your mind up and give it your all.

That being said, from previous posts, you can see I am training for a marathon. That I strength train, and truly enjoy fitness as a whole. I enjoy being in motion. I enjoy being around people. And so, combined, fitness is a great fit for me. I've said it before, and I will say it again, a Mel was not made to be idle.

Growing up, and still to this day, sit me out sick or injured, take away my element and I go crazy, I am simply not happy. Choosing between mowing the grass, and doing dishes....I'll gladly mow. Shoveling snow, or computer work, please... send me outside. I think I could do it all day, seriously. And then when rest does come, how sweet it is.

So, I've been a jogger for 7 years, and runner for 1. Strength training for 1 1/2 years, and flown solo on training for 6 months. So, though I have experience, I am still learning in both. I listen closely to those around me who know what they are talking about. I try to be a sponge and soak up the knowledge. Not to copy, but to grow and learn.

So, I made my mind up to FINALLY attempt the marathon. And no sooner do I try, I am faced with Plantar Fasciitis, and Achilles Tendinitis. Then more recently, a cyst on the top of my foot that has began hurting really badly. I think it is a combination of issues with high arches, shoe inserts, cyst and the tendon that runs from the big toe across the top. I won't go into my theories, because that isn't the point of this post.

The point is patience. I would prefer to stare down the barrel of a 26 mile run, or a crazy 11 mile tempo run. I would prefer to push my body to its physical limits, than put the breaks on and allow the body to heal. Trying to figure out what has happened and how to fix it is not fun. Then, to try to continue training in the midst of it all, is harder. To still push toward your goal, but not follow the training schedule you should because you are trying to heal. You don't make a lot of headway like that.

So, now I question my ability to run past 14 miles, and we are only 8 weeks out! I have 5 weeks of training left, the last three are used to dial back the training to allow the body to get all of it stores ready for race day. So, I have 5 weeks to heal, 5 weeks to train. 5 weeks to see if I can run 18-20 miles, and not hurt myself.

My strength training, where to begin with that? GAHHH!!! I do my best, but at times it can feel blind. I'm still learning.

Let's just say that all my training has given me a tough time this year and pushed me more mentally than physically (though there have been great improvements there too). I know what I should be capable of, so my mind wants to push to that. I know what I should do, to allow for healing. But, it is hard. I am competitive with myself. I see how others train, and admittedly, I am slightly jealous. It's not that I am jealous of them. It is that I am jealous that I want to be there with them, giving it my all too. Pushing and encouraging each other along toward our own personal goals. No matter how different or similar they are.

It just leaves me trying to swim when I have fallen in the water. Trying not to drown.

I am hoping that in a few months, I will be posting about how excited I am to have accomplished my first real goal...The Marathon. But also trying to accept the possibility that it is okay if it doesn't happen this time, or not the finish time that I want.

I hope all of my efforts are not in vain. Choosing to swim,.

Go Fish

2010-08-21T12:22:00.001-07:00

Cleaning. I have a tendency to find toys in strange places or situations and they make me giggle for one reason or another. Came across a fish today. It was jammed behind a basket on my kitchen counter. All alone. Lone Fish.
So, Mr. Lone Fish needed a little lime light. I gave him a photo shoot.

The Spirit of Columbus and The Columbus Marathon

2010-08-20T15:30:00.000-07:00

All signed up.

I have put it off for as long as I can. Given all the feet issues and junk screwing with my training. By the way, I don't dig that. But, it is what it is and we learn from these things.

I was at Front Runner with a friend yesterday and was discussing racing with a gentleman there who kindly informed me that I best be signing up for The Columbus Marathon because they are going to be shutting off registration soon. The race is October 17, 2010.

The Spirit of Columbus, half marathon is this coming August 29. Just next Sunday.

I was putting off signing up because, lets face it, these races are EXPENSIVE! But the bigger reason is I honestly just don't know if I will make it to race day. This is the first time I can say that about any race I set out to do (not a big track record there, like the play on words?). But, it is a pretty big one, so if I am going to blow it, I may as well do it in a big way. Sorta, kidding on that.

Cool thing is, I have been running for 8 years. What started out for weight loss has turned into more. I have been racing for only 1 year. This marathon training has taught me SO much about running, and so has the injuries. So, not all is bad about it, I suppose. You know how it goes.... "you take the good, you take the bad, you take them both, and then you have the facts of life...." Or something like that.

Eternity Minded

2010-08-15T07:50:00.001-07:00

I have a lot on my mind lately, and have been my typical overly sensitive, emotional self. I'm kinda getting tired of it. :)

Life and death have always been something I think about fairly often, and weighs heavily on me. Honestly, I try to suppress it because I think I think about it too much. Here lately, it has been a little different. Not so much on the salvation side of things, as trying to live an eternity minded life.

My personal belief is we are saved by faith in Jesus Christ, that he died for our sins. If we accept this, then our sins are forgiven. There is nothing we can do, no prayer, no effort, no formula we can follow that will save us. Only the death of Jesus Christ and our hope and faith in that. However, I do believe this does not give us a free pass to purposely live wrongly. We should try, out of love and appreciation, to live the lives we are called to.

So, eternity is on my mind. In the sense of, worries and and things we do. In the big scheme of things, I spend so much time worrying about who is mad, if I've said something wrong, have I come across wrong, how someone perceives me, things of that nature and more. But in all honesty, if I died today I would probably ask myself why I worried about all of these, when in the sense of eternity, they mean little to nothing.

I want to do good. I want to be good. I carry that burden heavily. But, cannot please everyone and this emotionally is getting to me. I am who I am. I am determined, I try to be thoughtful, I am emotional, I am sensitive, I make dumb mistakes like everyone, I say things wrong and hurt peoples feelings sometimes, sometimes I allow myself to take a beating more than I should...and then, I come back for more. Why? I don't take things lightly, I care deeply, I try to keep the peace. I am starting to wonder, in the sense of eternity, when do I throw my hands up and know that it is okay? Because maybe all I should care about is eternity.

Persistence

2010-08-09T19:16:00.000-07:00

Saw this online and found it fitting...

"When things go wrong as they sometimes will;
When the road you're trudging seems all uphill;
When the funds are low, and the debts are high
And you want to smile, but have to sigh;
When care is pressing you down a bit-
Rest if you must, but do not quit.
Success is failure turned inside out;
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt;
And you can never tell how close you are
It may be near when it seems so far;
So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit-
It's when things go wrong that you must not quit."

I was mowing the grass today. Thinking of all the road blocks and disappointments of this year. I was thinking that you can toss at me what you will, but I choose daily to press on! I will not allow myself to give up that easy.

I am not invincible . I am aware of just how fragile our lives and bodies are. But, in the sense of road blocks and disappointments (nothing life shatteringly major, obviously), as difficult as it is, as hard as it may hurt...as long as I have the ability, I will not stop. I will not quit. I will try to not allow these things to knock my feet from under me.

Then, I found this little poem...and, I liked it.

21.27 miles down

2010-08-09T13:04:00.000-07:00

I have these 'feet issues' that have been giving my marathon training plans a bit of a scare. I still don't know if it will happen, probably won't decide until a few weeks before. I don't want to make any decisions that may end up hurting me. It is a week by week thing for me right now.

Either way, I knew I needed to get some mileage under my belt and there is only one way to do it...go for it! I met up with my amazing, God send of a group running buddies on Sunday. They are, Jenny, April, and Greg. Jenny was scheduled to go 20 miles, but I was only going to go for 10-14 depending on how my foot and knee felt. April and Greg decided they would run 10-14 as well.

The temperatures were much cooler out than they have been, so the run got off to a fantastic start. Jenny and April took the lead, and was holding around an 8:30 minute mile for the first 7 miles. To be able to run as much distance as possible, Greg and I held back to roughly a 9 minute mile. When mile 7 was met, Jenny and April waited for us to turn around and go back. But we were feeling pretty good and decided to press on to 10 before turning around.

I have NEVER run more than 14 in my entire life. Which was just a little over a month ago, right before I had to stop running because of injuries. By about mile 15, I was regretting my decision, but you have to do it sometime, so may as well press on. Plus, Greg has run 10 marathons and was absolutely amazing to pace. He was so encouraging and stuck beside me through my pain. At one point he even stopped for me because I complained and he thought I was hurt. What a great person he is. He could easily have run faster, but he didn't.

It was the perfect set up for a long run. Speedy Jenny got her speed in and distance, April got a surprise fast and long run that she didn't plan for... but did it anyway. And Greg, going on about 4 hours of sleep, hung by my side. Can you ask for better running buddies and friends than this? I mean really???

My Garmin started acting up toward the end of the run, so we were not really sure when we hit 20 miles, or exactly how long, so we took a stab at it. We guessed 20 in 3:10. But, this morning when I got up and turned my watch on, it displayed the entire run and we actually ran 21.27 in 3:15! So, I was pleasantly surpised to see I broke even more of a milestone than thought. I do hope it gets a little less painful before the marathon, I was feeling very stiff from mile 15 on.

So, we have a tradition. We stop and take random photos, before, during or after. Jenny and April are moving this month, I cannot even begin to tell you how deeply saddened I am. Truly, truly. So, we took some pictures in front of the Ohio State Stadium along our run. And a few more...here are some...

Dublin Irish Festival 5K

2010-08-06T05:03:00.001-07:00

This summer I set out for it to be a summer of running, so I apologize for all the running posts. Just bare with me until fall is over and you probably won't have too see too much more about it.

It seems lately I have been feeling like I am going against the grain on everything I do. Everything I want to do goes horribly wrong and it has been eating at me and tearing me down. But yesterday, I ran a really tough 5k. It was about 90 degrees, very humid and was a very steep hilly course. I gave it my all and this is a lot considering I run in the morning when it is the coolest of the day.

None of us expected to take any award for placement, so we didn't stick around. But, I checked the stats this morning....and I did! I got 2nd in my age group, my good friend (Jenny) took 3rd. And I have to say, if they messed up our times, I feel bad and am sorry. But, nonetheless, it is so cool that the last two races we have finished right with each other, my partner in crime. She is an incredible runner, huge inspiration, and has become a great friend. She pushes me when I need it most. Plus, to top it all off, John and Jenny's husband, Casey, had this as their very first races ran EVER!!!

My results:
overall : 127
Chip time: 22:50:07
Gun time: 22:54:09
Pace time: 7:23/M

Below are some photos from the night taken by Jenny J.

Before the race photo.

After the race photo. Missing a few people. :( But they came in and ran a great race.

Post race drink and Irish band.

John is surprised.

Casey and Jenny

These are the legs and feet of fabulous runners!

Jenny and I!

Marysville gang sign. John says the M stands for "Mommy" and the look is "brush your teeth and go to bed." I really don't know which it is now...

Greg has a tough gang sign. :)

Gangsta Pippy

Brett is amazing! He ran the whole race with that cup on his head, and there was still drink in it at the end! :) Kidding. But he was awesome! He hung with Jenny and I and talked us through the last stretch when we were hurting the most.

It has been decided, where everyone else is going gangsta, John is doing the robot. Ha!

Now, for a little explanation about the gang sign obsession, courtesy of Jenny J...via You tube....

More Chirunning

2010-08-03T11:42:00.000-07:00

I am reposting this because I agree with the person I know who posted it....this guy makes it look effortless and sums up good form in 1 minute. Now, if I could just get that form down in one minute, I'd be set. But bad habits die hard.

A fun weekend

2010-08-01T19:07:00.001-07:00

This weekend we celebrated my nieces 12th birthday. They have land, lots of crazy animals, and we always have a blast out there. So, family and friends got together and had a great time.

The family wanted me to take some pictures of them with their animals. So, their land provided the perfect backdrop for that. Then I had a little fun with some bright colored picture taking, I LOVE bright color photos.

And then, today, my 5 year old decided he wanted to ride his bike....on two wheels. He did pretty good. Got a few rotations in, needs more practice, but did really well! Maybe this week is the week!

So, I will try to narrow my choices of photos to post. But this may be hard.

Frustrated

2010-07-30T18:17:00.000-07:00

I'm frustrated.

What I want to do, I can't do.

What I've been training to do, I have come upon a hiccup. It is not in my nature to just accept it as it is, I think I am more stubborn than that.

This entire year seems to be unkind. 34 has proven to be harder than I anticipated. But I keep pushing. Habit? Part robot? Who knows.

So, after 8 years of running I finally decided I was going to conquer the marathon. This marathon is in October. I was consistently running about 30 miles a week before starting the training. My first week I knew I had the endurance to run, but without a program I just set out to do what I felt like each day and push it. I ran 47 miles that week. Little did I know at the time, you are only supposed to increase your miles 10% per week. Oopsy!

I then began a training program. It involved log runs, short runs, recovery runs, tempo runs, you name it. It was tough, but was going well. Until....my heel began to hurt. The heel got worse. Then the opposite knee began to hurt. Then I pulled my back. And then a toe on the opposite foot. This shot my running to heck. I was limited to alternate forms of acceptable cardio. Acceptable to me is near impossible to find.

Things cut back, I took two weeks off running. Have been forced into wearing running shoes with regular clothes (which I hate to do), to help with the recovery process. I went to a podiatrist, I do have Plantar Fasciitis, achilles tendonitis, and a cyst on top of my foot. But, it should get better, though it be difficult during summer when I run my hardest. Yet, I haven't stopped. It is therapeutic for me, it is a challenge. I love a good challenge, I suppose. Running or fitness, I love it.

I continue to run. Probably shouldn't. But if I stop running I can't run the marathon. If I continue to run, I risk further injury and won't be able to run.

I guess I will give it a month and see how it feels, and then sign up for the race if all goes well. But, if I do, it won't be for speed, only completion. I'm okay with that, after all, it would be my first.

I'm really alright, dealing with it. Could be a whole lot worse problems, and I am thankful it isn't. I just am feeling frustrated with a few things going on right now and feel as though my hands are tied, like I am beating my head against a wall. That sucks.

Cokey and Grumpy

2010-07-29T11:41:00.000-07:00

We spend all this money on toys and games, yet my son has been carrying around two new toys lately. His creations...Cokey and Grumpy. Good pals. His buddy even got a few for himself.

PHITathalon

2010-07-24T13:00:00.001-07:00

I have been excited for this race since the first time I heard about it last year. Some friends of mine put it together. So it was exciting to see the finished product of all the labor, stress, thoughts, and planning that went into it. Not to mention, so many friends ran it. Getting to see people who have trained so hard to be able to run this race was just wonderful. It brought a whole other meaning to the race than simply doing your personal best. This was by far the funnest race I have ever run. I could go on for a while about this race.

Overall I am pleased with my performance. Considering I have been battling Plantar Fasciitis the past month (as well as a few other small aches) and had to take 2 weeks off from running just before this race. I really didn't have a clue how I would feel.

Below is a description of the course, my results and a few photos our buddy Greg took. My comments about each obstacle are in italics. I am sure I will post some more photos later, as I get more. They are too much fun not too.

The Inaugural PHITathalon Physical Endurance Race will bring a unique fitness event that has swept across much of the country, to the state of Ohio. It is sure to attract the thrill seeking athletes looking for more than the common running race from all over Ohio and the surrounding states.

Check out the Official website for the PHITathalon!

Obstacles
Tunnel Crawl:
Crawling through long dark tubes will slow down even the fastest runner, leveling the field for those more athletically inclined. Forward progress depends on the participant’s ability to utilize all four limbs quickly and simultaneously. The knees will emerge battered as the rugged corrugated tunnels wrestle you to the end.
(on this obstacle they had shorter tunnels you went through, came out and had to throw yourself over a hay bail. And then do it again about 4 more times.)

Snake Hill:
Maneuvering your way up and down snake hill will require you to call on all of your inner strength. Lateral and horizontal patterns up vertical inclines and down steep declines will surely challenge the oxygen capacity of even the most conditioned athlete. Movements must be executed effectively to master completion of this challenge (5 times up, 5 times down)

Balance Beam:
With Mother Nature’s terrain as your only saving grace, long narrow beams taunt you as superior balance and coordination are a must for this next physical challenge. Make friends with this one; if you fall off not only will you be a sloppy mess– you must start over as a sloppy mess! (Beams were wobbly, so if you tried to move too quickly, you could fall off. No mud though, fine by me!)

Bleacher Run:
If you’ve made it this far and have the finish line in mine – rest assured we saved the grand finale of all obstacles for last – the bleacher run. As the ultimate in endurance challenges, even the most fit athlete’s conditioning will be tested! Repeatedly ascending and descending this obstacle multiple times will have every fiber of your being begging for mercy. (3 times up, 3 times down, this was tough)

Belly Crawl:
If you prayed for rain to keep you cool on this hot July day, Mother Nature will mock you at this obstacle. With ropes strung merely inches from the ground, participants must crawl from one end to the other to successfully complete this challenge.
(This was crazy fun. Mud was everywhere. Couldn't see when I got out, couldn't wipe my eyes. Spitting mud for a while too.)

Two unmentioned obstacles: The mounds of Despair. These were little hills all bunched together that you had to hop through without twisting your ankle or falling. These were just after the belly crawl.

Tires: Just like you see the Army people do. One foot in each tire until you run through them all.

Distance: 5 miles (8.04K)

The order of the obstacles were (I think):
Tires, Snake Hill, Balance Beam, Tunnels and Hay, Belly Crawl, Mounds of Despair, Bleachers

Top 10 Women:

Ashley Z. 1 38:22
Vivienne K. 2 39:34
Rachel L. 3 39:56
Terrie E. 4 40:27
Angie F. 5 40:44
allison D. 6 42:57
Kali G. 7 43:17
Jenny J. 8 43:25 (my buddy)
Melodie P. 9 43:44 (that's me)
Julie A. 10 43:53

46th out of 190, not my best, but, I'll take it. :)

Happy 10th Birthday

2010-06-25T17:55:00.000-07:00

I have waited longer to post this than I had hoped.

June 20th, we celebrated the 10th birthday of my first born son! Hard to believe 10 years have come and gone. Hard to believe we have been able to keep a person alive for 10 whole years! Ha!

Born at 10:35 pm weighing in at a whopping 9 lbs, 13 oz, 21 inches long. A bouncing baby boy to say the least! From a rough delivery, to a rough couple of first years. It's all a blur. Our, little Gabraham Lincoln, Gabe-o. You cleared the path, you paved the way, and made such a wonderful impact in our lives. A blessing I couldn't live with out.

You have grown into a nice, smart, thoughtful little boy. I know God has big things in store for you. I love you so much. I am proud of you. Happy 10th Birthday.

Just wish I had a digital camera at the start of all the fun!

Becoming a Runner

2010-06-24T20:24:00.000-07:00

A pet peeve of mine, as a runner, is when someone tells me, "Well, I don't enjoy running." or, "I'm just not good at running"
As if anyone ever walks out their door and is great right away, or falls in love with it right away. It takes time.Copied this from a friend, but I love it. Read below...

"Mastery in running is the result of consistent physical and mental training. The effects are cumulative. Give yourself the time, however long, to come into your own. Patience, persistence and perseverance are the three virtues of extraordinary performance."
From the book, "Running Within"

Happy Father's Day

2010-06-20T11:49:00.000-07:00

This song, the lyrics, remind me of my husband.

Thank you for being all the things I'm not. For being my backbone when I am weak. For loving me when I am unlovable, through the weeks when I am tired, irrititable, or hard to reason with. Thank you for supporting my ventures.

Thank you for being a fun, playful Dad. A patient, supportive Dad, who can slow down when the time is right, and push when appropriate.

Thank you for giving your heart to us. You are a great husband, friend, and father. Happy Father's Day.

Since I can't post this from You Tube, please look it up and give it a listen. Here are the lyrics.

Sanctus Real - “Lead Me”

I look around and see my wonderful life
Almost perfect from the outside
In picture frames I see my beautiful wife
Always smiling
But on the inside, I can hear her saying...

“Lead me with strong hands
Stand up when I can't
Don't leave me hungry for love
Chasing dreams, what about us?

Show me you're willing to fight
That I'm still the love of your life
I know we call this our home
But I still feel alone”

I see their faces, look in their innocent eyes
They're just children from the outside
I'm working hard, I tell myself they'll be fine
They're in independent
But on the inside, I can hear them saying...

“Lead me with strong hands
Stand up when I can't
Don't leave me hungry for love
Chasing dreams, but what about us?

Show me you're willing to fight
That I'm still the love of your life
I know we call this our home
But I still feel alone”

So Father, give me the strength
To be everything I'm called to be
Oh, Father, show me the way
To lead them
Won't You lead me?

To lead them with strong hands
To stand up when they can't
Don't want to leave them hungry for love,
Chasing things that I could give up

I'll show them I'm willing to fight
And give them the best of my life
So we can call this our home
Lead me, 'cause I can't do this alone

Father, lead me, 'cause I can't do this alone

Barefoot Running - Chirunning

2010-06-17T04:35:00.000-07:00

Food for thought. Gotta post these two videos I have recently seen. Something that is intriguing me.

And this video which was posted from I want to run ??? blog over in my list.

Newton Natural Running Form with Danny Abshire from Jeff Kline on Vimeo.

God in Creation

2010-06-12T04:37:00.000-07:00

Okay, I'm just gonna quote a book I am reading...verbatim. I love this part of the book. Because I see exactly what it is saying. So...here it goes.

" Look around and notice God's glory reflected in creation. The blue of the sky reflects his royal garment. The clouds are reminders of his presence. (Ex. 19:9), they are his chariot as he oversees his creation (Ps. 104:3). The winds are his messengers (Ps. 104:4). They come from the storehouses of God (Ps. 135:7). The sun comes forth like a bridegroom, reminding me that Jesus is returning for his church (Ps. 19-5). The heavens truly praise his wonders (Ps. 89:5), they declare his glory (Ps. 19:1).
Every animal you see drinking or feeding on the grass is being sustained by the Most High God (Ps. 104). The farmer did not cause the crops to grow. The crops come from the ground as a gift from God. Rain is an expression of his care, lightning of his power. Furthermore, God owns creation. "In his hand are the depths of the earth, and the mountain peaks belong to him: (Ps. 95.4). We are walking on privately owned land."
When People are Big, and God is Small - pages 104-105

I like this paragraph because, when I run outside I often times get to admire the beauty of this earth and am thankfully reminded at how awesome God is. For all the details he put into this life, from the playful chirping birds in the mornings, to sunbeams gazing through the clouds (heavens lights, as my son and I call them).

I don't consider myself the most theological person. Not at the least. And I do not know the answers to all the tough questions. But, for the most part, I'm okay with that. I'm okay with some answers coming later. Because I see God in nature, and I know he is real, that is what I personally need the most.

Enjoying this beautiful summer.

Trampoline

2010-06-02T13:48:00.001-07:00

Uhhh....how did this happen??? We got bamboozled! Yep, bought a trampoline. May regret this, but for the time, the kids love it. Below are pics of one of the kids jumping. I am sure more will come.

Barefoot Running

2010-05-31T18:28:00.000-07:00

I think my curiosity began at the Columbus Half Marathon. When you watch other runners, their form or technique, sometimes you are left amazed, stunned, or asking questions.
During my run I saw a lady who ran the entire race on balls of her feet, not once did her heel strike. Another runner friend saw a man run barefoot. The entire 13.1 miles.
Then, I get a magazine who is suggesting 'must have' running products. That is where I found these strange things....

Then, my cousin makes a post on her blog about Nike Free Run shoes.

And another guy on Daily Mile starts posting about how he is gradually building his miles in his new pair of Nike Free.

And so the wheels start turning. Can I benefit from 'barefoot' running? I think the idea behind it is to get back to what is a more natural movement for your body. This will train your muscles and ligaments and whatnot in ways that your normal running shoes cannot. Because normal running shoes support them. I guess it would be similar to using a piece of workout equipment that supports or compensates for things, versus using dumbbells your body is forced to train and use everything. Which in turn should end up in better stability and over all strength.

Maybe I am buying into the hype. But, I just ordered a pair of Nike Free Runs to give it a whirl. I don't feel like the FiveFingers would be good on pounding asphalt, so Nike Free is the more logical test. Though I have sworn off Nike for running shoes my entire 8 years of running....I guess sometimes you just gotta give a little. I may love it, I may greatly regret it.

Maybe one day I will become a trail or nature runner and FiveFIngers would be good. Hey, that sounds like a fun idea! :)

A Creature of Habit vs. Change

2010-05-27T13:32:00.000-07:00

This will be somewhat vague, but I think it can apply to multiple situations, that is why I post it. Plus...if I feel it, I say it.

No bones about it, I am a creature of habit. Always have been, always will be, I know I am, can't change that I am, and openly admit that I am. Because, if you are around me for any length of time, you will surely notice this trait, as I am rarely spontaneous and will have to take ideas and roll them around, become comfortable with them and the changes I will have to make to accomodate them. I have to become okay with the change, before I do it. Hate this about me.

I guess it has it's good points. As for the most part, I am pretty reliable, I can be counted on to do what I say I will do, and most times I give my best effort at what I do. But just the sheer annoyance of knowing I do not do well with change...I dislike this about me and am still growing and learning to let things go, be flexible. Some of the best advice I can recall was given to me by my mother-in-law. She said, "Don't think about why it CAN'T happen, think about how it CAN happen." Perfect for me.

I also, at times, wish I didn't dump my emotions out there so freely....dang me and my open emotions! :)

So, I had this thing that I used to do. That I enjoyed a lot, that I truly, deeply miss. Something that I did with my friends and valued. This thing 'changed'. It was difficult for me to let go, but I did. There have been many positives that have come from the change. Like most things, change can be good and if you can make it through the hard part, most times you pull out ahead. I think that did happen. But even with the acceptance of 'the change', even with the lessons learned, I still miss the routine, my friends, and just doing and being where I enjoyed.

But what irritates me....is why, when you least expect it, does it rear it's ugly little head, and start bothering you? Out of no where. Left field. I was doing just fine, and then discontent.

This change that came, that I did my best in, I still do my best... I know how to do it. And it has come to a point where it takes almost everything in me to push myself, the joy is fading. I push myself because it is important to me, it is part of me and I will not give up. But, it is getting really lonely. I miss my friends. But, there really isn't anything I can do about it. So, I have to pick up my chin, pretend I'm not sad, give myself a swift kick in the rear....and push on.

Alone time with Wormie

2010-05-19T17:08:00.001-07:00

Wormie is a caterpillar. He was found in our front yard by Cole and given to Jude, to keep, ever so lovingly in a bug hut. There he lived for two days with leaves to eat, and water to drink.
Jude took great care of him, like any good 'daddy' would. He even spent 'alone time' with him swinging in our yard.

But then, Wormie started spinning white web. And Jude started getting really sad, because as informed by his older brothers, Wormie was making a cocoon and would turn into a butterfly and go away.

I, on the other hand, did not think he was making a cocoon and told him not to worry, I didn't think that was what was happening. Until.....the next morning....uh oh....

Kentucky Derby Day 2010

2010-05-07T09:11:00.000-07:00

Since we can't be at the Derby, next best thing is to do our best at celebrating it. So, we make goofy hats....This year, I attempted my own Bourbon Balls. Yummy. My brother-in-law made a tasty Derby Pie. We drew horse names out of a hat and all threw in a $1, and Gabe won the loot! As you can see from the photo, he couldn't be happier.

And to top off all the happiness, it was my mother-in-laws birthday!!! So, it was party day at our house. :)

Maybe next year we will test out a Mint Julep....though I have heard those are questionable.

Capital City Half Marathon Results

2010-05-01T11:16:00.000-07:00

My Results:
Placed:
600th out of 6165 people with posted results
113th out of 3611 women

Ran 6.55 miles in 54:32. Pace 8:20

Total 13.29 miles in 1:47:02. Pace 8:11

Females Age 30-34
Placed: 20 out of 622

"This is ten percent luck, twenty percent skill, Fifteen percent concentrated power of will, Five percent pleasure, fifty percent pain, And a hundred percent reason to remember the name"
Fort Minor: Remember the Lyrics

That song, and Animals by Nickelback pushed me the last 2 miles and across finish.

Less of Me

2010-04-27T18:00:00.000-07:00

"So today I wash my hands and purify my heart: I take the decision to reform, to abstain from needing approval from others. I realise that my strength comes from the one who created me, my assurance from the one who will lift me up.

I cannot be double-minded and seek approval from the world and from God, I choose God."

I've been reading a blog, you can find it over there in my list, Journey Deeper into God's Word. I am enjoying the daily posts he makes.

Today, in particular, he touched on a topic I have been thinking about anyway. I am reading a book called When people are big, and God is small. Basically, talking about this very thing the blog is speaking of. This person is also on Twitter, and he had a post on there I love equally.

"Humility is not thinking less of yourself but thinking of yourself less - less about me, more about God."

I think in many ways this is a problem for me. I'm always worried about making the 'right' choice. But by whose standards am I measuring this 'right' choice??? Who am I trying to please? People, or God??? Trying to step back, readjust, and keep my eyes on God and not what the world expects from me.

There will always be a person, a person who no matter what choices I make will not be satisfied. It is not my position to keep the world happy, and an impossible task at the least. But if I try and please one person, the Lord, then that is all that matters and is the best choice to make. He will work with everyone else.

This will be harder to do than it sounds.

Kite

2010-04-20T08:10:00.001-07:00

Really enjoying Spring this year. It has been beautiful with all the vibrant colors and new life. Not to mention seeing the kids out, playing, being kids, doing what they do best. And enjoying the sun.

Moved Mountains

2010-04-10T05:02:00.000-07:00

Last week was a good week. Prayers were answered and peace came. It is an amazing thing when you see something happen that you know can only be the work of God.

"This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us." 1 John 5:14

"For where two or three come together in my name, there am I with them." Matthew 18-20

I don't really know what to say about this except... it was a good thing. It was a God thing. God's timing. I am thankful. And as little as this post says, I think it says a lot.

Thank you, God.

Another Egg Post

2010-04-03T19:10:00.000-07:00

Blogger has to be bombarded with Easter Egg posts. So, I think I will jump on the band wagon.
Enjoy the boys showing off their works of art....some sweet....and others...well, you will see. Boys will be boys!

He put stickers on this for me and was very proud.

This egg says I Love Mom.

And, yes, you did read this one right.

The men. Enthusiastic.

Me and the Chop.

So sweet.

Looks like he is covered in green slime.

Whatever You're Doing

2010-04-01T06:06:00.000-07:00

I'm not one to post lyrics, and I really didn't want to on my blog. Well...because it is my blog and is my thoughts and whatever I feel like at the moment, not someones lyrics. However, the lyrics to this song are good, and fitting. The Youtube video is below too, if you want to hear this pretty song.
So, here it goes!

It's time for healing time to move on
It's time to fix what's been broken too long
Time to make right what has been wrong
It's time to find my way to where I belong
There's a wave that's crashing over me
And all I can do is surrender

(Chorus)
Whatever You're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but somehow there's peace
It's hard to surrender to what I can't see
but I'm giving in to something Heavenly

Time for a milestone
Time to begin again
Reevaluate who I really am
Am I doing everything to follow Your will
Or just climbing aimlessly over these hills
So show me what it is You want from me
I give everything I surrender...
To...

(Chorus)

Time to face up
Clean this old house
Find More lyrics at www.sweetslyrics.com
Time to breathe in and let everything out
That I've wanted to say for so many years
Time to release all my held back tears

Whatever You're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but I believe
You're up to something bigger than me
Larger than life something Heavenly

Whatever You're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but now I can see
This is something bigger than me
Larger than life something Heavenly
Something Heavenly

It's time to face up
Clean this old house
Time to breathe in and let everything out

- Sanctus Real - Whatever You're Doing

The 5th Birthday

2010-03-29T11:09:00.000-07:00

Happy Birthday Jude-o-chop! Hope you had a blast!
I was going to put together a slide show of photos, but I can't remember where I had done that before. There were too many photos to post on the blog, so collages it is!!!

I can't believe my baby is 5. I already wish for the time back with all 3 of my kids. Seems like a whirlwind of time that past all too quickly. Oh to suck up all the hugs, snuggling, and fun baby / toddler moments again.

However, I do know more great times are to come. I love my kids.

Hopefully therapeutic happy thoughts....

2010-03-25T17:57:00.000-07:00

I like that we are on the warmer side of the earth.
I like that the grass is getting greener, even in the midst of cold rain.
I like that flowers are blooming.
I like that buds are on trees.
I LOVE the singing birds in the morning.
I love running outside.
I have a husband who cares when I hurt. I appreciate that.
I love my husband. He is everything that I am not.
I love my 3 boys. They make me want to be a better person.
I love that I was blessed with a great family.
I love my friends who have stood by me and supported me.
Some have surprised me. Yet, I notice the kindness, I won't forget, and am thankful.
I loved spending the weekend with my sister and her family.
I loved seeing my Dad. He is a beautiful person.
I love that God is putting new good people in my life.
I am learning to let go and trust that God has a better plan.

There is a 'Hopefully therapeutic angry thoughts' blog before this. But,some of the thoughts are really more angry than I am proud to admit. That post may have to stay with me. But that was the sequence of events for this post. It's all about balance.

My blog can use happy thoughts.

Baby Boy

2010-03-23T03:40:00.000-07:00

My youngest son will be evaluated for Kindergarten today. Do I really need to say anything more? That sentence alone speaks volumes to any parent out there.

Well, I had to gather up the usual documentation yesterday to bring into the evaluation. Which involved me opening the 'baby box' of memorabilia. Sigh...where did the time go? I don't know that I am ready for this.

So, if I put the baby hat on him that he wore when he was born....does that still make him my baby??? Maybe not, but all of my kids will always be my babies.

The above picture is funny to me. It makes me feel like I should be donating to some worthy cause. :) The Please don't take my baby away Judo Cause!

Belonging

2010-03-17T11:17:00.000-07:00

I took my kids to gymnastics the other day. I love watching my kids learn and have fun, but I also enjoy looking around and watching other kids as they practice. One of the areas that always grabs my attention is the Rhythmic girls. They are amazing, flexible, graceful, and strong. Then there are the kids that have trained at that gym for a long time, you can just tell. It is as if they belong there, they are at home.

There is something to be said in loving what you do and belonging somewhere. Belonging to something. To be around people who 'get' you, who 'get' what you do, and are genuinely excited when you accomplish goals. It is valuable and inspiring. It carries great strength. It is a gift.

I'm not saying this to have a pity party. But lately, I guess I am in a funk. I will pull out of it soon I am sure, hopefully with a beautiful Spring emerging. But, I feel as though I have lost my belonging. Left looking for my niche, for that place that I fit in at. For those people who 'get' me. Creating the routine that I thrive in. But this time, I carry a deep wound. And am leery. I question a lot of things right now. I feel a bit alone, even while surrounded by my family that I love.

I am fine where I am. Don't get me wrong. My point is, there is something to be said in finding that thing that you really, truly enjoy doing. And finding the right people or place for you, that share the same passion.

Crazy I know. I am certain we are all there at one time or another. So, tell me, what do you do that is your 'thing'? Where is it that you feel you belong? That thing that frees your inner, repressed you, even in the midst of being the mom, the dad, the boss, what ever title you carry.